Cravings: Nothing. I have no appetite. I appear to be in some kind of shock.

Mood: Out-of-it

For those wondering why we skipped days 29 and 30, I’ll explain. Day 1 was actually posted on Day 3, so all the posts were off by two days. I really wanted to do the experiment for 32 days so that it wouldn’t look like I was cheating, BUT I JUST CAN’T HANDLE IT ANYMORE. So as of right now, I am the Post-Freegan Girl. If I wanted to, I could not only eat a cheeseburger, I could buy it. Some of you are probably thinking; “She’s already waited 30 days for a cheeseburger. What’s two more days?” Well let me tell you--it is a lot. As a matter of fact, I’m fairly sure that if I had to do this for even one more day, I would go stark raving mad. I mean it. I’d make the shenanigans of Britney, Paris, Lindsey and Nicole look like Sunday School fun. Anyway, I’m done; but e-mail me if you don’t trust me and require an official affidavit from some Newsweek big-wig.

Despite yesterday’s panic, I am not completely turning my back on my Freegan lifestyles. Right now, as of day zero, here are the things I’m planning to keep up and the things I’m dropping like a hot rock:

1. I am determined to limit my buying. So one pair of fall shoes won’t break my budget or make me feel guilty but 12 pairs would--a distinction that I would not have been able to make four weeks ago. I’ve also vowed not to buy weird-looking clothes just because they’re on sale and I thought I might try my clothes on before I buy them. That should prevent me from buying (over and over again) those cropped pants that make me look like a knish.

2. I’m through being a vegan. Life seems very long and sad without the hope of ice cream or cheese. Call me a bleeding heart if you must; but I will try to only buy meat and dairy that is certified humane. I don’t know what to do about eating out.

3. I’m going to try and keep up with the organic and local buying, keeping in mind that local is more important since it has a smaller carbon footprint (less driving) and it tastes much much better then any of the mass-produced equivalents. That’s true, you know--locally grown tastes better. I just didn’t want to tell you that during the experiment. You would have instantly accused me of fanaticism and closed your mind to me.

4. I will continue to scrupulously recycle and reuse or rather my husband will since he does most of it anyway. The composting thing is over thanks to my cats; but let me say that if you limit the buying and buy local instead of canned, you produce a lot less garbage.

5. And you can be absolutely sure that I will not, on pain of death, throw away what I already have and buy "green" items. Shoot, I’m not going to create garbage in order to help the environment--what sense would that make? Think about that when you feel pressured to buy the eco-variety of anything, it works. And keep your guard up, because the Green Marketing Machine is going to really kick in for the Holidays.

6. I’m going to keep up the energy conservation which is an extremely easy thing to do considering summer is over BUT I’ve decided that each electricity bill must be cheaper then the next or I will be extremely disappointed in myself. Electricity is my enemy! Don’t you wish I could stick around and let you know how that goes? Oh, by the way, I haven’t gotten my latest electricity bill yet but if it’s under $100, I will make a special effort to post it on YouTube so you can see it!

7. Eco-Friendly Transportation is just the thing for me! As it turns out, I don’t mind taking the subway rather then a taxi because as it turns out, if you’re running late, the subway is always faster! Taxis just feel faster. As for the bus, I only ever took one when I was too lazy to walk. I will try not to be so lazy. Of course, my husband just picked his car from the repair shop so temptation does loom.

8. I absolutely love the idea of a Freedom Savings Account. Just forget that’s it’s an account to shave years off your employment history. Think of it as funding your dreams. My total saved after 4 weeks was about $1200; which is about $300 a week which seems about right. Between meals out, cabs, Target and assorted drugstores, I probably do spend that much every week. So, I think I should keep saving, keep taking my lunch to work and stay out of drugstores. I can’t desert Target--I love Target. It’s lame to love a store so much, but I just do. Of course, the Freedom Savings Account went toward the cost of repairing the car. When life gives you lemonade, you get lemons!

9. I really thought that being mindful of my impact on the Earth would drive me crazy but, in the end, it was the most valuable thing I did over the whole 30 days. The more you know about where your food, clothing, entertainment and shelter comes from, the easier it is to make buying decisions in line with your conscience and in turn, save the polar bears.

Stay tuned for tomorrow: Post-Freegan Girl will breathlessly report the experience of her first cheeseburger.

Good News: I ate M&M’s and they tasted like little round pieces of Heaven. Really.

Bad News: Milk tastes funny now.

Worries: What me, worry?

Day 27: Still Consumed with Guilt

Cravings: Sushi, Sushi, Sushi, Sushi, Sushi, Sushi, Sushi, Sushi, Sushi, Sushi, and more Sushi

Mood: Apprehensive

I think it’s fair to say that this experiment has changed me. Now, don’t worry. I’m not going to go into this whole monologue about how this has been a miraculous conversion for me. I will not be dedicating myself to Freeganism permanently. But I can say that I feel very, very apprehensive about my return to mainstream culture. Because don’t get me wrong, this whole Freegan experiment was meant to explore food waste, what Freegans’ claim is the abuse of capitalism and the environment and our desire for more, bigger and new; but was also about measuring your impact. So, I read about how our food gets from the farm to the plate. I did some research on how companies figure out how to sell us things we don’t need. And of course, we learned about cognitive dissonance. And interestingly enough, as my time as Freegan girl draws short, I appear to be suffering from it again. For those who are just tuning in, cognitive dissonance is that completely horrible buzzing sound you hear when you walk under big electrical wires. Just kidding, actually, it is the state of great psychological discomfort created when your brain is forced to acknowledge two pieces of information that it finds counter-intuitive or contradictory. Now according to my favorite expert Carol Tavris, social psychologist and co-author of Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts, cognitive dissonance can be more uncomfortable than extreme hunger! And it’s true; though I think I’d rather be hungry. The problem is that I want to go back to my old life with open arms and no questions or concerns; but I can’t. I would just feel too guilty. And not that free-form kind of liberal guilt because life is harder on some people than it is on me; but real guilt. Perhaps some examples will clue you in on my state of mind:

Exhibit A: I have no problem going back to meat; but now I have to balance my carnivorous desires with my new knowledge about the less then stellar conditions in factory farms and animal cruelty. Yikes.

Exhibit B: I want new clothes for Fall; but I don’t need new clothes for Fall. It just feels wrong to buy clothes you don’t need them. I feel like I’ve fallen under the spell of a cult. I AM NOT CALLING FREEGANS A CULT. I am calling myself cult-like. I actually brainwashed myself to stop buying; and I feel like I'll never shake the feeling that I shouldn’t be shopping. Disturbing, right?

Exhibit C: I have this real reluctance to get back into the swing of things. I don’t know if that’s because a part of me likes the isolation of living outside of mainstream mores ( so dramatic!) Or maybe part of me is afraid that I won’t have learned from this at all and NEXT month, not only will my electric bill be $240; BUT I’ll have developed an addiction to veal, SUVs and Styrofoam.

You see where I’m coming from now? My editor, Jon Meacham, brought up an interesting, slightly insulting point today. How much of this guilt and fear can I really blame on Freeganism? I, like most Americans, don’t believe in small steps. So I’m either a Freegan or an Over-buying Pig who kills polar bears. I simply have no faith in my ability to find a reasonable middle ground. Let’s just say that ‘Moderation in all things’ has never been my mantra. But maybe I should try. I’m just scared, that’s all.

Good News: Husband is getting ready to grill up some steaks; I am so looking forward to going away this weekend and maybe do a little flea market shopping and the Dallas Cowboys are still undefeated!

Bad News: Halloween decorations are just calling out to me. “Buy me. Buy me now, Raina.” It’s very unsettling and creepy, I might add.

Worries: I want to throw a football party; but I’m afraid it’s just an excuse to go on a buying bender.

Note: Go to unicefusa.org and get some Unicef Halloween collection boxes. They’re free and kids can combine gorging on candy with global giving.

Weekend Report Card: A solid B+

Cravings: Succotash, weirdly; but I got all the ingredients at the Farmers’ Market and ate it for dinner on both Saturday and Sunday.

Mood: Weary

OK, I have a lot to do today so I’m going to limit my asides and get right to work (and considering my temper tantrum on Friday, I expect you’re grateful.) There’s a line in the movie"Dangerous Liaisons" that goes something like this; “Regret is an essential component of happiness.” And I’ve always wondered if that was true. Of course, I’m usually too cowardly to consider the matter because it would entail going over my regrets in a detailed way and well, that just seems unhealthy. Anyway, now I know it’s true because I had the kind of weekend that Freegans dream about. And hence, I already miss being a Freegan. Before I began this experiment, weekends were one long sprint from Friday night to Monday morning. I always had a list of things to get, people to see, errands to run and rooms to clean. As a Freegan, I could actually enjoy my time off and relax because I had nothing else to do. I took long walks around my neighborhood. I went foraging in Prospect Park again and actually got some bay leaves that didn’t come out of a jar. I had to leave a bit early and missed the gathering of the wild parsnips but I had fun nonetheless. I picked tomatoes and peppers from my garden and bought more from the farmers’ market. I made succotash, as I mentioned, a medley of roasted veggies and a really good salad with homemade dressing. Shoot, I felt like a frontier gal. All I needed was a shotgun and a horse. It was the kind of weekend that makes you fearful of a meat-eating lifestyle. But honestly, it was wonderful. I even avoided newspapers for fear I’d read about some kind of environmental folly or some newly discovered danger to the polar bear population. That’s not something most Freegans or I would normally do but I was determined to stay cheerful.

Of course, I just hung around with my husband. That’s not a criticism of my husband. I’m just saying he’s always with me—there were vows exchanged to that effect. We are getting a little testy with each other however—squabbling over stupid stuff like who gets to press fast forward on the digital video recorder. Some people say meat makes you aggressive. But meat’s got nothing on deprivation. I have a hair-trigger temper nowadays. As a Freegan, I always feel slightly frustrated, like a spoiled child who’s been told; “No more sweets.” And knowing that I volunteered for this discomfort only makes it worse. The poor husband asked me if I wanted some ice tea and I attempted to strangle him. OK wait, I was telling you how good my weekend was. Right, it was great. I’m just a little moody—let’s just say that the strain of this experiment is starting to get to me. Plus, as it turns out, being a Freegan is a lonely existence. At least it is for me. I didn’t want to hang out with my Frentors because I feel like a pretender. My friends have yet to send me an email that doesn’t mention the eating of garbage. I guess people are just leery about hanging out when you can’t buy a round of drinks. I’m not saying that my friends are only friends with me because I buy the beer. I just didn’t want to be a mooch or a killjoy. And trust me, I did not need to be tempted anymore then I already was. I had no idea that being a Freegan would make me anti-social; but I guess that’s what happens when you think almost all the people in the world are living their lives the wrong way. If I had to do this all over again, I would give myself two months and ease into the lifestyle. As this weekend proves, once you get into the swing of things, you can have fun. Or maybe I’d blackmail somebody into doing it with me so I would feel less alone.

Breakfast: Another rut … whole-wheat toast with jam and a sliced apple.

Lunch: Skipped!

Dinner: I plead the fifth. I didn’t cheat. I just didn’t eat very well and I’m ashamed.

Cravings: More Skittles.

Mood: Angry!

I was going to write about sustainable food practices today. You know--healthy, good tasting food (meat and veggies both) that isn’t bad for the environment or cruel to the animals and pays fair wages. And I will, on Monday, but I just want to get something off my chest first. Check out this story in the New York Times:

“The group whose $10 million prize spurred privately financed rocketeers to send a small piloted craft to the cusp of space in 2004 has issued a new challenge: an unmanned moon shot. With the audacious new contest comes a much bigger prize: up to $25 million, paid for by Google, the ubiquitous Internet company. The “Google Lunar X Prize” was announced yesterday in Los Angeles at the Wired magazine’s NextFest. The contest calls for entrants to land a rover on the moon that will be able to travel at least 550 yards and send high-resolution video, still images and other data back home.”

Are you kidding me--twenty-five million dollars for a moon car? I’m sorry; do we live on the moon? Does anything live on the moon? Let me tell what how I read this--global warming will soon render the planet inhospitable for polar bears, penguins, frog and thousands of other species, including quite possibly our own, so let’s tie up the biggest and brightest minds in America and figure out how to get a remote control camera to the moon. I’m sorry to drop my fair and balanced act but that is the STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. And I’m going to go one step further and say this is the reason people hate scientists and other assorted intelligentsia. First you tell us that Earth is going to hell in a hand basket; but instead of dedicating your efforts to fixing the problem, you cut and run … to the Moon.

Breakfast: Miracle of miracles … whole-wheat toast with jam and a sliced apple.

Lunch: A little bragging … toasted tofu w/ marinara sauce, grilled tempeh burger, mesclun salad

Dinner: Backsliding … leftover pasta and a salad with too many onions

Cravings: Cake, cookies, brownies, cupcakes, muffins, Danish or really any kind of baked good with more then 300 calories.

Mood: Still cheerful!

My time as a Freegan is drawing to an end and while I can’t say I’ll be craving tempeh burgers anytime soon, I can admit that I’m going to miss this blog. I’m panicked that I’ve missed a whole set of vital concerns. What I do know is that I’ve glossed over the whole Freegan work ethic. According to Freegan.info, their stance on employment is as follows:

Breakfast: The ubiquitous Kashi and soymilk BUT I added bits of apple that made it taste weird.

Lunch: A huge salad and some cold curly fries.

Dinner: Pasta and a salad

Cravings: Sushi again (I’m tempted to walk over to the Hudson River and catch my own.)

Mood: Worryingly cheerful (When I’m in a fabulous mood, I temper it by convincing myself it’s a manic episode and will dissolve into tears by the end of the day.)

Everybody’s eyes always pop out when I explain what a Freegan is. People just can’t believe that they dumpster dive, eschew buying and remain steadfastedly unified in their opposition to capitalism. Or to put in their own words; "After years of trying to boycott products from unethical corporations responsible for human rights violations, environmental destruction, and animal abuse, many of us found that no matter what we bought we ended up supporting something deplorable. We came to realize that the problem isn't just a few bad corporations but the entire system itself." Or to use more iconic language, they have turned on, tuned in and dropped out. And that, the ‘system’ notwithstanding, is as American as apple pie (which by the way, comes from England). Seriously, think about it but if you don’t want to, I have developed some mathematical equations to illustrate my point:

Freegans + Drugs + Communes = Hippies

Freegans + Jesus = Quakers

Freegans + Walden Pond = Henry David Thoreau

Freegans + Jesus - Electricity = Amish

Freegans + Jesus + Mother Ann - Sex = Shakers

Now don’t get offended; I’m being purposely simplistic to prove my point, which is that striving for the simple life is not new in this country (Little House on the Prairie was on the air for nine years!) and neither is proselytizing against the wicked consumerist ways of your fellow Americans (Who said; "Thank God men cannot as yet fly and lay waste the sky as well as the earth!"? Answer below.). And I suspected you might not believe me so I dragged in an expert. I talked to Dr. David Shi, President of Furman College and the author of "The Simple Life: Plain Living and High Thinking in American Culture." Not only did he say that I was completely right; but he also endorsed me for Queen of the World. OK, he didn’t say any of that; but here’s what he did say:

Breakfast: Theraflu Daytime Severe Cold

Lunch: Approximately 1 gallon vegetable soup

Dinner: Theraflu Nighttime Severe Cold, more soup, 4 bites of a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.

Cravings: Sushi and Macaroni & Cheese (Which is odd, not because it’s a disgusting combination; but because I’ve never been that crazy about mac and cheese.)

Mood: Self-pitying (I’m sick!), but otherwise cheerful.

Against all advice, I have decided to solve all our problems. Or rather, to be more precise, I have decided that WE should solve the global warming problem right now, today. Having the healthy ego common to my profession and feeling flush from fever, I have come up with a few ideas that I think will make quick work of our fossil fuel consumption problem. In case you haven’t been keeping track of our earlier solutions here they are:

1. Capturing and using gas flares = A potential reduction of impact of 400 million metric tons of carbon dioxide;

2. Cutting food waste by half= A potential reduction of 25% of our nation’s carbon impact.

Now, I must admit that I’m feeling crazily optimistic but I think I have reason to! No, it’s not because the Dallas Cowboys are undefeated after one week (their secondary is a little too shaky to inspire visions of a 6^th Super Bowl ring) and no, it’s not the cold medicine—it’s just that the Holidays are coming! And though it may seem like an amazing conflict of interest that I am also working on Newsweek’s Holiday Gift Guide, I did have a life before I became a Freegan and besides, don’t be a Scrooge! I have been looking for items to suggest for YOU for Christmas and/or Hannukah, stop being so judgmental and go with me for a second because I have some important information for you: Not only are you going to be asked to purchase all manner of "eco-friendly" items from soy candles to shredded plastic coin purses for Christmas, but you are going to be inundated with very expensive, very simple items that "should" replace all that bling you’ve purchased over the last five or so years. Which is to say; if "Pimp My Anything" was the most overused headline in the first seven years of the 21st century, then "Simplify Your Anything" (or something like it that’s actually clever) will soon be taking it’s place. And what I’m telling you is stay strong! Don’t let the trend-makers (including myself) tell you that you need to junk your old wasteful life in favor of a new one with low-emission paint and vintage whatever. Say it with me now; "If we want to reduce our impact, we will figure out a way to address the real problem. We will not just buy new stuff." I say that not just because I’m been fighting the urge to spend every dime I have on shoes and meat when this experiment is over; but also because this experiment has shown me how industries can bow to our wishes. We want a simpler, less wasteful life. We want to help fix the global warming problem. And industries are giving us what we think we want—just not in the form of actual solutions. Instead, we get new stuff to buy and the band plays on. So, here is where my solutions come in:

Let’s facilitate a return to friendly wagers. You know how competitive we are; so let’s turn that to our advantage. Instead of keeping up with the Jones’ new gas grill, challenge them to use less carbon. But I don’t want you to think that I think individual competition is enough because it’s not. If it was, we’d all buy a Prius and a yoga mat and be done with it! No, we need to compete city to city or region to region. Here are just some of the brilliant ideas that leap to mind:

1. New York and Chicago used to have a bitter rivalry over who was America’s number one mega-city. Let’s dredge that back up for the environment’s sake. In 2005, New York used 40,629,913,573 kilowatt hours of electricity. I think we should bet Chicago that we could reduce that insanely large number by at least 10% or at the very least, we can reduce more kilowatt hours then the Windy City can! If we lose, our Mayor will do something humiliating on TV or some such nonsense. We could get internationally competitive too—according to the Wall Street Journal today, Japan is launching this Cool Biz program in order to "lead the world in reducing energy use." C’mon, let’s challenge them. If their bankers can keep their thermostats at 82 degrees, our bankers can swelter at 84! Of course that’s the least they can do after this sub-prime mess, but we won’t go there!

2. Some consortium of billionaires can get together this huge pot of money and host a competition for sustainable methods of reducing America’s carbon footprint. Can you imagine how many great ideas would come out of that? Honestly, I know our self-esteem is battered right now; but average Americans build rockets in their backyards, invent Ferris Wheels and somehow find time to make wine even the French have to like. We can do this.

3. Let’s make a reality show out of my example—we’ll stick 6-11 good looking and unstable people in a house, make them follow my nine rules—or maybe more! We’ll just throw in some challenges and big money prizes and you could have one hour (or more) of prime-time television dedicated to how to save the planet and people would watch it!

The ideas are just flowing but that’s not what I’m trying to tell you. I’m just saying that this experiment has shown me that throwing the baby out with the bathwater is not a good idea. We’re not going to give up our lives, we have too many excuses (some of them good) not to. And though we might be tempted to just buy new more Green stuff, why don’t we just repurpose the stuff we already have like competitiveness, a surplus of billionaires and an odd, never-ending attachment to reality TV? Isn’t that really the Freegan way?

Good News: I’m on the mend! Soon, I’ll be up and running at 100%!

Bad News: I’m on the mend! Soon I’ll be expected to work a full day!

Worries: I hope Jess wins on that Rock of Love Show with Bret Michaels

Note: I know I said I was going to talk about the history of Freegans today but I got over-excited about all my ideas and forgot. Tomorrow, I’ll get there, I promise!

I'm sick. I have a sinus infection due to Fall allergies and my persistent refusal to take my Claritin or quit smoking. So, that's the doctor-approved reason I'm not doing my normal (always informative and amusing) blog post today. But if you want to know the reasons why I think I'm too sick to post today, here they are:

1. I normally believe in fighting a fever but Freeganism has sucked all the joy out of my life, so why fight? (Have no fear, this is just a bit of dayquil inspired melodrama!)

2. The whole world is saying the most unbelievably mean things about Britney Spears' performance at the MTV Music Awards last night (all true unfortunately.) So let's just say that I'm a little scared to bring anything less then my A-game today.

3. The first week of football season has made me overly jingoistic and aggressive so it's really impossible for me to be fair and balanced in my blogging today.

So, that's it. When I return to work tomorrow, I will regale you with a very funny and very interesting perspective on Freegans as seen through the eyes of Quakers, Hippies and Hipsters with only a brief detour into sanctimony, and I will end with your standard pie-in-the-sky hopes for a better tomorrow.

Breakfast: Apple and some wasabi peas

Lunch: 6 boiled potatoes, ½ cup corn, salad and a few french fries.

Dinner: Roasted asparagus, Pasta Primavera and even more salad.

Cravings: Still would sell my Mother for a pair of new shoes (let’s see if Mom really is reading this blog everyday)

Mood: Bitter

Gentle Readers, I am exhausted so I hope you don’t expect one of those really long posts where I talk to experts and solve all the world’s problems. That just ain’t happening today. I feel like a chump-- like the kid helping the teacher bang erasers while all her friends are outside stealing candy. And it’s hard to summon up moral superiority when your co-workers are dancing around, eating hamburgers and buying new iPods. Anyway, I think that whole BEST ENVIRONMENTALIST IN THE WORLD thing last weekend was a fluke--a precursor of the bitterness free ranging all through my brain. A friend and co-worker looks so nice today in her new lip-gloss and perfect mani/pedi. I wanted to slap her. I look like l fell under a turnip truck. The problem with doing this for a month is that after two weeks, the novelty wears off and you still have to do it. Which means that I walk around always feeling that sense of disappointment you get when you wake up and realize that the fabulous date you had with George Clooney last night was just a dream (Husband: this is just an example of a dream, it’s not a dream I’ve ever had or would even want to have because as you know, I think Mr. Clooney is weird-looking.) And for the kids: that feeling I just described is probably ten times worse in jail so stay in school and out of trouble.

You don’t have to take much away for me to feel deprived so now that the newness of this thing is beginning to wear off, I feel like a refugee. And the subconscious consumer in me is starting to assert herself again! Why is fall so tightly connected with buying things for me? But then again, I’m always obsessed with buying things. Fall is just another excuse. October means Halloween, November is Thanksgiving, December is just a blur of spending. And January? Well, that’s the perfect time to remodel myself--new gym, new clothes and of course, the post-Holiday sales! You see where I’m going with this, right? (Hint: My point is not that I’m an unrepentant spoiled brat) For the first time, I am getting a glimpse of what it takes to:

“Live well without money. Reconsider "needs"; resist marketing and find other channels to acquire the things we want rather than contributing to the consumption of new resources and generating revenue for capitalists. Learn to depend on the Earth and on our community to provide for our needs rather than corporations.”

Breakfast: approximately 14 grapes

Lunch: Lentil Soup and a peach

Dinner: Leftovers

Cravings: Shoes

Mood: Peevish

Gentle Readers, it’s been two unbelievable weeks since I first laid out the nine rules of Freegan living AND vowed to live by them. As promised, I’ve kept you up to date on my progress and setbacks. And while I prefer to complain about most things, even I must admit that it hasn’t been all bad. So now that we’re at the halfway point, let’s take stock:

1. I will spend as little as possible on food, and shell out only in case of emergency.

This was going extremely well until I started feeling a little chill in the air and the Husband went back to school (He’s a teacher.) Now I want things for "Back to School"--starting with some new clothes, a Trapper Keeper notebook and a fancy trench coat. I am such a sucker for those sale circulars--I want to get a jump on Fall. I need a fresh start for September. I am seriously craving 4 or 5 new outfits to get me back in the groove after the lazy days of Summer. Plus, I’ve been so good for so long! Say it with me now -"It’s just cognitive dissonance - you’re just trying to convince yourself that you’re still a good person if you do buy a new Fall wardrobe that you don’t need. Of course, this won’t be a problem when I’m Queen of the World and can afford Stella McCartney vegan fashions

2. I will be a vegan.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m a vegan but I’m not happy about it. I know it has only been two weeks but I have not changed my basic position. I don’t mind eating other animals because they taste good and besides, I have wide flat teeth in the back for grain and pointy ones in the front for meat--animals are a natural part of my diet. I wish I could make myself feel differently, but I don’t. I’m appalled by animal cruelty and sincerely believe that factory farms should be forced to stop torturing animals, but I just don’t think it’s wrong to eat meat. And another thing, since I’m on a roll, plants have a heartbreakingly beautiful way of growing towards the sun AND they actually release the oxygen that we all need to live; but nobody worries about eating them. I have 3 cats (Yes, three. It was an accident!) and a garden and I love them all equally. I talk to my plants, threaten them with tough love, tend to them when they are sick and protect them when they are attacked. So yes, I’m really attached to plants and while I understand our very human attraction to other sentient beings, I’d give my right arm for a steak and a tomato salad from Keen’s Steakhouse right now. My own omnivore’s dilemma does not allow me to be upset about eating anything and besides the Dali Lama eats meat and he believes in reincarnation.

Breakfast:  skipped!
Lunch:  Grilled vegetable sandwich and mixed greens.
Dinner:  Homemade hash browns, some vegetable soup and yet another salad!
Cravings:  Take out Chinese
Mood:  Weary  (Is that a mood?)


Yesterday we were talking about cognitive dissonance. For those just joining us, cognitive dissonance is the state of great psychological discomfort created when your brain is forced to acknowledge two pieces of information that it finds counter-intuitive or contradictory. And since I sincerely believe that our national desire to succeed at any cost is now cohabiting in our heads with the idea that our success is killing the blue planet, we should all know how this dissonance works.   Especially since we’re coming up on a decision here.  We can reduce our individual dependence on fossil fuels or we can blame the evil oil companies or those stupid tree huggers or China or Congress for the problem and keep doing what we’re doing (Or we can do both!)

Here’s my chat with Carol Tavris, social psychologist and co-author of "Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts."  She told me some more about how our sneaky little brains are processing this whole planetary disaster scenario (And please  blame her if you feel bad afterward):

 

FG: Why are we so paralyzed by the prospect of Global Warming?

Tavris: Once you open your mind to the evidence that human beings are contributing in a major way to a potential environmental disaster the next question is, “What are we going to do?” and it's not all clear what to do. It's not as simple as ‘wear a condom’ to combat the rise of AIDS.  That's clear advice. The environmental issue is really complicated and we are not good future planners.

Our economy is designed for short-term growth, not the future. Companies have stockholders that want to see immediate efforts. Short-term gain--that's the American way.  

Also, our culture has always been a culture of individualism and that’s a problem when solutions need to be system wide. We have this self-oriented approach. It's up to individual women to decide how to balance work and family. Our culture, which prizes individualism, won't help. We need to solve the overarching question of how we make government save us from the effects of global warming. If we look only to ourselves, there's no consensus. All of these individual decisions do make a difference. We do need to think globally and act locally; but that lacks consensus. Besides, nobody wants to feel like a chump. If everybody else is wasting water and you’re refusing to water your lawn, you're going to fell like a chump and you’ll want your town to pass an ordinance forbidding anyone to water their lawn.

[Just for the record, that’s not what I would want, I would want to cut all my neighbors’ hoses in half with a machete, but that’s just me.--FG]

Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time!  I actually can’t believe I made it this far without feeling superior to every other human being on the planet.  And just for the record, it was not my intention to become the BEST ENVIRONMENTALIST IN THE WORLD; it just happened.  You see, my plan was to sulk inside my apartment all weekend while the rest of America ate hot dogs and waved sparklers or some other kind of dangerous nonsense.  Perhaps I was coddled by my parents,but if I can’t have a holiday EXACTLY THE WAY I WANT IT, I don’t want it at all. So since being a Freegan prevented me from eating meat, I decided to sit in the dark and stare at my husband for three whole days. I didn’t have to choose this course of action.  As a matter of fact, there are a millions things I could have done. I could have worked in my garden or gone for a walk.  I could have sharpened my urban foraging skills or even read a good book.  But no, my extreme disappointment seemed to demand not only that I stay inside for the weeked; but also that my husband be miserable too.  He tried in vain to get me out of the house--even going so far as to demand I leave--but I held fast.  Why go anywhere when home is where the heart is?  I could have gladly spent the entire weekend wandering from room to room in my bathrobe; but the husband was worried about my sanity so I decided to look busy.  First, I backed up my computer (twice!), then I cleaned up my iTunes library and then I went through my files.  Now, under normal non-Freegan circumstances, I would never have spend a Saturday doing that kind of stuff; but I had taken a position and didn’t want to turn back.  By dusk, I was patting myself on the back and admiring the spotless surface of my desktop.  At about 1:00 am on Sunday morning, I had a permanent self-satisfied smile on my face.  By Sunday at noon, I was completely insufferable and unable to complete a single sentence with adding the phrase; “which is how it should be.”  Within three days of my own company, I was so thoroughly sick of myself, I would have hit myself if I wasn’t also so damned pleased with myself.  (Yeah, I know, I didn’t cure cancer but I did organize my bookshelf by color and did I tell you that I backed up my computer?  Do you have duplicates in your iTune library?  I don’t …which is actually how it should be.)

Breakfast: Kashi cereal with soy milk.

Lunch: Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (I know, I know!), 1 plum, 1 peach, Some wasabi peas.

Dinner: A little bit of leftover pasta primevera, a bowl of left over rice and beans, a big salad and some more fruit.

Cravings: A Labor-Day cookout with all the meat-laden bells and whistles!

Mood: Really good, I seem to hitting some sort of stride.

In a series of events I can only describe as cosmic (so melodramatic, right?), I found Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Selected Essays lying on top of someone’s garbage on the way home from Urban Foraging last week.  Its first essay, if you’re not familiar with the text, is ‘Nature,’ a founding tracts of transcendentalism that opens with this; “Our age is retrospective. … The foregoing generations beheld God and nature face to face; we, through their eyes. Why should not we also enjoy an original relation to the universe?”  Now, people of a particular nature will accuse me of making up this anecdote; but it’s the truth, so we’ll just ignore those people.  Anyway, Emerson’s idea, that we should live in harmony with nature, not solely as its master, was on my mind as I reading my colleague Sharon Begley’s blog, Lab Notes, and this fact just leaped out at me:

Breakfast: Kashi cereal with soy milk.

Lunch: Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (I have got to stop eating those!), 1 plum, 1 peach, Some organic raspberry organic yogurt.

Dinner: Sautéed string beans with brown rice (and too much soy sauce).

Cravings: Take-out Chinese!

Mood: Impossible to tell--I’ve had a sinus headache for about 30 hours.

Some of my co-workers are driving me absolutely batty! They will not lay off all that “Are you following all the rules?” stuff. And I swear, if one more person asks me if I can eat a peach or a nacho chip or drink WATER, then I am going to need a defense attorney. My boss is real sweet though; she brings me local and organic fruit just about every day. And she’s totally cool about the turning off the monitor thing--turns out she doesn’t really care if I step away from my desk as long as the work gets done. Of course, I wonder whether the fruit thing will come up in my evaluation and if so, how? Maybe she’ll say; “Can we give Raina a big fat raise so she can buy her own local and organic peaches?” But the ever-present paranoid part of me thinks it’ll come down to something like this: “I supported Raina with local and organic fruit during her Freegan experiment. Now I feel like she still expects it and it’s making me uncomfortable. I say just go ahead and fire her!” See, so now I’ve put my fears in the blog and she’ll have to find another reason to fire me if she’s so inclined!

I’m going to apologize in advance for today’s entry. It’s sure to come across as scattered and pointless because I HAVE HAD A SINUS HEADACHE FOR 30 STRAIGHT HOURS. I don’t know what I’m allergic to; but it is kicking my butt!So, gentle readers, if you have any experience with sinus headaches and know of any home remedies, I would be most appreciative because at this point, there’s a good chance tomorrow’s blog will be about 1000 words of this; “uyhjnnnnnnnnnn;” which is what you get when you rest your forehead on the keyboard.