Breakfast: Kashi cereal with soy milk.

Lunch: Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (I know, I know!), 1 plum, 1 peach, Some wasabi peas.

Dinner: A little bit of leftover pasta primevera, a bowl of left over rice and beans, a big salad and some more fruit.

Cravings: A Labor-Day cookout with all the meat-laden bells and whistles!

Mood: Really good, I seem to hitting some sort of stride.

In a series of events I can only describe as cosmic (so melodramatic, right?), I found Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Selected Essays lying on top of someone’s garbage on the way home from Urban Foraging last week.  Its first essay, if you’re not familiar with the text, is ‘Nature,’ a founding tracts of transcendentalism that opens with this; “Our age is retrospective. … The foregoing generations beheld God and nature face to face; we, through their eyes. Why should not we also enjoy an original relation to the universe?”  Now, people of a particular nature will accuse me of making up this anecdote; but it’s the truth, so we’ll just ignore those people.  Anyway, Emerson’s idea, that we should live in harmony with nature, not solely as its master, was on my mind as I reading my colleague Sharon Begley’s blog, Lab Notes, and this fact just leaped out at me:

Breakfast: Kashi cereal with soy milk.

Lunch: Two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (I have got to stop eating those!), 1 plum, 1 peach, Some organic raspberry organic yogurt.

Dinner: Sautéed string beans with brown rice (and too much soy sauce).

Cravings: Take-out Chinese!

Mood: Impossible to tell--I’ve had a sinus headache for about 30 hours.

Some of my co-workers are driving me absolutely batty! They will not lay off all that “Are you following all the rules?” stuff. And I swear, if one more person asks me if I can eat a peach or a nacho chip or drink WATER, then I am going to need a defense attorney. My boss is real sweet though; she brings me local and organic fruit just about every day. And she’s totally cool about the turning off the monitor thing--turns out she doesn’t really care if I step away from my desk as long as the work gets done. Of course, I wonder whether the fruit thing will come up in my evaluation and if so, how? Maybe she’ll say; “Can we give Raina a big fat raise so she can buy her own local and organic peaches?” But the ever-present paranoid part of me thinks it’ll come down to something like this: “I supported Raina with local and organic fruit during her Freegan experiment. Now I feel like she still expects it and it’s making me uncomfortable. I say just go ahead and fire her!” See, so now I’ve put my fears in the blog and she’ll have to find another reason to fire me if she’s so inclined!

I’m going to apologize in advance for today’s entry. It’s sure to come across as scattered and pointless because I HAVE HAD A SINUS HEADACHE FOR 30 STRAIGHT HOURS. I don’t know what I’m allergic to; but it is kicking my butt!So, gentle readers, if you have any experience with sinus headaches and know of any home remedies, I would be most appreciative because at this point, there’s a good chance tomorrow’s blog will be about 1000 words of this; “uyhjnnnnnnnnnn;” which is what you get when you rest your forehead on the keyboard.

Breakfast: Skipped it!

Lunch: No time to make it!

Dinner: A plate of pasta primavera so big that I should not have been able to eat it in 8 minutes (but I did!)

Cravings: Absolutely any kind of food that hasn’t been cooked by me.

Mood: OK, just feeling a bit cranky, not about capitalists, weirdly. It’s the environmentalists that are getting on my nerves.

So I chose to go without lunch because I had to choose between being really late for work and being a little bit late for work. I know, I know, I could have made said lunch the day before or gotten up earlier and made it, but I didn’t. I chose to get some sleep and then wake up and dawdle in the shower. Now on the scale of human suffering, I know that a missed lunch doesn’t register at all (not even a blip!) but I mention it because I want to first publicly apologize to my husband for that totally undeserved attack on his character last night. (I was so hungry and three handfuls of trail mix does not regulate one’s blood sugar as well as I hoped.) And secondly, because the whole lunch debacle helped me figure something out. I think I did it on purpose so someone, anyone would feel sorry for me and tell me I could order in Chinese food for lunch. My subconscious is rebelling because it thinks this experiment is ill conceived and could quite possibly kill me. It’s (still, for better or worse, talking about my subconscious here) trying to come up with iron-clad excuses to break the rules. Overslept for national television? Oops, take the SUV into town. Forget your lunch? Eat out! Buy Big! Shoot just last night, my subconscious was trying to con me into buying a Nintendo Wii and my first pair of Blahniks. Which in and of itself, is an incredibly long way of telling you that I feel your pain because it’s my pain too. What all the commentators and experts and documentaries don’t understand is that we (and by we, I mean your average American) just found out about Global Warming. OK, I know the science has been out there for years but as far as WE are concerned, we just found out that our daily experience is destroying the planet. And before THEY show us another picture of a dying polar bear, could we just take a minute to absorb the fact that we could be underwater in 50 years? All, I think, we’re asking for is a small window of time to internalize the facts. And then we need another window of time to figure out if we really believe you. Because it looks to me like we’ve been threatened with extinction before. (Wasn’t Avian flu supposed to kill us all? And what the flock happened to SARS or are they the same thing?) I mean really, the local news has been predicting our death due to E. coli and common household accidents for so long, it doesn’t even register. Not to mention that we’re in midst of two wars, a sub-prime meltdown, the stress of our daily lives, rolling political scandals and a bridge collapsing for no reason except maybe pigeon excrement. I’m not being flip and I’m not saying that we don’t need to change our ways; but could you lay off the fear tactics, we’ve got a lot on our plates. I say, try sweet talk and a little humor, but what do I know?

Breakfast: Skipped it!

Lunch: Leftover rice and beans and an heirloom tomato salad

Dinner: Local corn (both bi-color and sweet), local string-beans, sautéed, boiled potatoes (This is my new lazy woman’s dinner.)

Cravings: iPhone, a three-day weekend in Block Island, RI and sweets, any kind of sweets.

Mood: Guilty

I’m still having nightmares over my behavior this weekend; but for the sake of my nerves and the ultimate readability of this blog, I’ve decided to move on. I haven’t even been tempted to cheat even though the husband did wave (and wave is the most accurate word I can use here) a pork chop in my face. And I seem to be in some kind of shock about the whole not-buying thing. That’s the part I thought would be the hardest but it turns out that I don’t miss it. You name a reason for shopping (other than actually needing something) and I’ve shopped for that reason: boredom, rage, entertainment, special occasions, emergencies. Shoot, before this project started I was thinking of taking up tennis because I really wanted to buy all that cute gear. (Perhaps, you need to know me to see how laughable my taking up tennis is but let me try to sketch it for you: I have very little athletic ability, poor hand-eye coordination and I hate to exercise. What else makes that proposition ludicrous? Oh yeah, I have a full-time job, a new husband and many many other loved ones who already talk about me behind my back because I don’t have time to call them back or get together.) And as for big-money projects that I already have in that hell-hole I call a storage space, here’s a short list: scrap-booking, knitting, decoupage, jewelry-making, glass etching and the making of at least three well-equipped home gyms. And don’t even get me started on collections. I collect everything. What’s the point of eBay if not to start new collections? To date I collect: red cocktail shakers, shot glasses, Christmas ornaments, magnets, postcards and vintages maps from my travels, Marilyn Monroe memorabilia, Steve McQueen memorabilia (against my husband’s wish that he be allowed to like Steve McQueen his own way and not through the prism of my compulsive buying), Fiestaware and about 17 other things I can’t remember right now. Vintage maps? I don’t even know why or when I started collecting those. I’ve even been known to purchase collections for other people: frogs (but not just any frogs, tasteful frogs) for the BFF, strong female Pez dispensers for my friend Heather, Civil War photography for my Dad and Batman stuff for my friend Michael. Trust me, not buying is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And my Mom would be so proud, after 37 years, I finally turn the lights out when I leave the room. If you happen to be in need of light in that room when I’m exiting it, tough luck. I’m learning habits for life. And (this is the best part), I still don’t feel self-righteous and that has led me to a new working hypothesis; "If you make all these changes at once, you’ll be too overwhelmed to feel morally superior and hence, you’ll be able to save your relationships with your near and gas-guzzling, a/c using, meat-eating dear."

Breakfast: ½ organic peach, Kashi cereal with soy milk, tea with soy milk, 7 potato chips

Lunch: Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich, chickenless noodle soup, wasabi peas, Luna bar

Dinner: Whatever I find at the Greenmarket tonight - husband is out of town so I’m thinking a salad, a baked potato, some of those mini potatoes (boiled) and mixed local berries.

Cravings: Buffalo Wings and ice cream

Mood: Excellent

I went with the Freegans on one of their Dumpster dives last night (they call it a Trash Tour.) Those of you who have seen the video on this blog (that wasn't my tour) will know what I'm talking about. Older and wiser Freegans show the newbies where they can get food and how. So, it was about twenty people walking around, occasionally stopping to poke through refuse; kid don't try this at home. But let me tell you, I think you would eat garbage. Wait, before you accuse me of drinking the Kool-Aid, let me say that I saw unbelievable amounts of seemingly perfect food tossed out all over New York’s East Side. No joke, it was not to be believed. All the fruits and vegetables you’d expect; but also weird stuff like bags of dog food or a ½ dozen cans of whole potatoes, even toilet paper, still in its packaging. It was unreal. In front of a bakery, they found four or five garbage bags full of bagels and bialys and loaves and loaves of bread. When they opened the bags, the air filled with the aroma of freshly baked bread. I am not kidding you. I am clearly prone to exaggeration but the aroma thing really happened. In front of another grocery store, they found 2 big bags of slightly dented cookies. Can you imagine? And it wasn’t the cheap generic stuff - there were name brands in there! And no, the bags weren’t ripped or slimy. From what I can see, it all looked fine. Except for the seven packages of shrink-wrapped artificial crab legs I saw - they didn’t look right. And those bags of pre-washed lettuce? You could raise 432,000 rabbits on all the baby greens that were in that trash. But, in all fairness, I will also admit that no one there could give me a definitive answer as to why this waste was allowed to happen. "The corporations build this waste into the cost of doing business." "Americans have been made to expect the illusion of a never-ending and always perfect food supply." "It’s cheaper to throw it out then paying someone to save it." I don’t know; maybe it’s all true. Maybe, but maybe Americans have grown too litigious and stores are afraid of the inevitable lawsuits when someone get sick from donated food. Maybe this method of insuring fresh inventory in grocery stores is simply a relic. And it, with the advent of ever faster and bigger computers, will simply go extinct. I want to know if this is just New York's problem. Are we throwing out more then we ever have or is this what has always happened in order to meet consumer's constantly fluctuating demands? I don’t know, but I will investigate and get back to you.

I live my life with a wide margin of error. Not just because I am clumsy (though I am very clumsy); but also because I am absent-minded and gullible. Up until yesterday, I had those character traits under control. But now that I'm a Freegan, clumsy, absent-minded and gullible are firmly in charge of the asylum. Let me explain. I wake up and its raining, no big deal, I have like 8 umbrellas and 4 rain coats. Except I don't. Every single umbrella and rain coat is at work because if it's raining in the morning, it's never raining in the afternoon and why carry an umbrella and rain coat if you don't have to? Normally that wouldn't be a big deal, they only cost $3 at any neighborhood deli, but now that I've tramped down to the subway station in the rain, I realize I can't take the train because I left my Metrocard in the pants I wore yesterday. That means back up to the three-room palace in the rain and then back to the train. Soaking wet and late for work is not a good start to this experiment. Luckily, I don't give up in the face of hardship, I simply whine. Which is what I did all morning, loudly. And at about 1:00 pm, I came to a shocking conclusion; people hate sniveling just as much as they hate self-righteousness. Lesson #1: They don't want to hear about your moral superiority OR the difficulty of a choice you made voluntarily. It's a bit like models saying their jobs are hard or movie stars complaining about the paparazzi (a bit, just a bit.) The only possible response from people is Shut Up! So I did.

But now I'm talking again. I've given up enough! I cannot also give up my voice! But I can, apparently, go completely hysterical, strident even, due to low-blood sugar. I am so hungry. I am cartoon hungry - my co-workers keep shape-shifting into (local) turkeys or sides of (grass-fed) beef. In my old omnivorous days, I never ate breakfast. Eating first thing in the morning used to gross me out. But now my stomach actually wakes me before my alarm. A co-worker told me that's because I'm no longer getting complete proteins. I think it's because I feel deprived or maybe it's because I skipped my lunch after I nearly broke a tooth on my all-natural, local, organic, cherry complete with pits spread sandwich. Or maybe it's because I now spend three quarters of my time defending what I'm doing instead of thinking through well-balanced vegan delights. All day I’ve been pestered by the "well-meaning." "Should you be smoking?" "Are you wearing all-natural fibers?" "Can you eat that?" "What's a freegan?" And so the question lingers; why should I be concerned about the planet (it's a lot older then my 37 years) when I'm just trying to get through the day without breaking anything, getting fired or making anyone mad? And the only conclusion I've come up with so far is that if we don't give a damn about Earth, it'll kill us, all of us, every single mammal, just like it did the dinosaurs. We should turn off our lights, change our gas guzzling habits and turn the water off when we brush our teeth because Bruce Willis is not going to be able to save us like he did in Armageddon And Val Kilmer is just an actor, Red Planet was just a movie. We don't know how to send a probe to Mars without getting the math wrong so no, we cannot Terra-farm other planets. It's better cinema for the hottie action heroes to do it by himself.

I am now a Freegan. In answer to your second question (the first question was “Who Cares?”, right?), a Freegan is a “person who employs alternative strategies for living based on limited participation in the conventional economy and minimal consumption of resources. Freegans embrace community, generosity, social concern, freedom, cooperation, and sharing in opposition to a society based on materialism, moral apathy, competition, conformity, and greed" (quoted from Freegan.info). So, that means that as of this morning, I have changed my profligate ways. I'm a new and radicalized woman. I am a green goddess, an eco-princess, a humble servant to planet earth.

Why would a eBay-loving, omnivorous, cigarette-smoking shopaholic do something like that? Firstly: I'm trying to examine the phenomena of the Freegans from the inside out in order to explain it to NEWSWEEK readers and I have no problems playing the martyr for dramatic effect. Freeganism first popped up out West in cities like Seattle and Portland (of course) and has also become popular in larger cities back east like Washington, D.C., New York and London. Nobody knows for sure how many Freegans there are out there (counting is for capitalists, man). But, given the proliferation of Freegan Web sites and the popularity of the New York Dumpster-diving dinners, for example, there is evidence that their numbers are growing.

Did I not mention Dumpster diving earlier? Ah, well, it's actually called “waste reclamation” and it's a Freegan practice to boycott our capitalistic world by living off its shocking excesses. Seems crazy and gross doesn't it? (For the record, I personally won’t be Dumpster diving--not because I’m afraid to get my hands dirty but because it’s illegal in New York City and our legal department won't let me.)

Second: These environmentalists are not going away. They are going to nag us, scare us and tell us we're not cool until we change our gas-guzzling ways. So for the next 30 days, I, at least, won't be in their sights. Unless I screw up.

Third: the American way of life has to change if we want to do something about global warming. But, I don't want Al Gore, Leonardo DiCaprio or any of the snotty people in my very green and very self-righteous neighborhood (if you Google “Park Slope, Brooklyn” and “judgmental,” you'll get more than 40,000 hits) to tell me that's it's going to be easy. It's not. It's time-consuming, confusing and infuriating. I was doing fine, living my little piece of the American Dream, and now the inconvenient truth is that I feel bad about it. That would be the Freegans' fault, too (though I'd also like to spread some blame around to Al, Leonardo, PETA, Greenpeace and that "Supersize Me" guy).

I haven't been the same since I pitched this story. I see waste everywhere. I feel guilty about everything--doing my laundry, spending a day at the mall, leaving my computer on at night, relaxing in the shower, BUYING FOOD AT THE GROCERY STORE. How can absolutely everything I've been taught to do to survive be wrong? I'm going to try and figure it out. This experiment may be forcing me to give up "everything"; but it will also give me the opportunity to spend the next four weeks examining the impact of my previous way of life. Here are the rules I've set up (with the advice of my Freegan mentors Madeline Nelson and Adam Weissman, also known as my frentors):

Experiment: Using advice and mentoring from the Freegans, I have developed the following Freegan rules to be lived by for one month (August 20 - September 16, 2007):

1. I will not buy anything except for food, medical needs or in case of emergency.