Breakfast: Apple and some wasabi peas

Lunch: 6 boiled potatoes, ½ cup corn, salad and a few french fries.

Dinner: Roasted asparagus, Pasta Primavera and even more salad.

Cravings: Still would sell my Mother for a pair of new shoes (let’s see if Mom really is reading this blog everyday)

Mood: Bitter

Gentle Readers, I am exhausted so I hope you don’t expect one of those really long posts where I talk to experts and solve all the world’s problems. That just ain’t happening today. I feel like a chump-- like the kid helping the teacher bang erasers while all her friends are outside stealing candy. And it’s hard to summon up moral superiority when your co-workers are dancing around, eating hamburgers and buying new iPods. Anyway, I think that whole BEST ENVIRONMENTALIST IN THE WORLD thing last weekend was a fluke--a precursor of the bitterness free ranging all through my brain. A friend and co-worker looks so nice today in her new lip-gloss and perfect mani/pedi. I wanted to slap her. I look like l fell under a turnip truck. The problem with doing this for a month is that after two weeks, the novelty wears off and you still have to do it. Which means that I walk around always feeling that sense of disappointment you get when you wake up and realize that the fabulous date you had with George Clooney last night was just a dream (Husband: this is just an example of a dream, it’s not a dream I’ve ever had or would even want to have because as you know, I think Mr. Clooney is weird-looking.) And for the kids: that feeling I just described is probably ten times worse in jail so stay in school and out of trouble.

You don’t have to take much away for me to feel deprived so now that the newness of this thing is beginning to wear off, I feel like a refugee. And the subconscious consumer in me is starting to assert herself again! Why is fall so tightly connected with buying things for me? But then again, I’m always obsessed with buying things. Fall is just another excuse. October means Halloween, November is Thanksgiving, December is just a blur of spending. And January? Well, that’s the perfect time to remodel myself--new gym, new clothes and of course, the post-Holiday sales! You see where I’m going with this, right? (Hint: My point is not that I’m an unrepentant spoiled brat) For the first time, I am getting a glimpse of what it takes to:

“Live well without money. Reconsider "needs"; resist marketing and find other channels to acquire the things we want rather than contributing to the consumption of new resources and generating revenue for capitalists. Learn to depend on the Earth and on our community to provide for our needs rather than corporations.”

And that’s one of the key goals of Freeganism as defined by my mentor Adam. And I’m trying but it’s just not as easy as it was ten or so days ago. For the first two weeks I was a Freegan, I felt as if I was on vacation from my own life. And for that reason alone, I would recommend trying this for a bit. It’s like the great rapper Coolio says; “If it wasn't for the military I probably would not have ever come to Bosnia for vacation.” In the beginning, as a Freegan, I was able to get outside of my life and peer back at it. It felt good to explore my impact and plan changes. It felt good to plumb my soul for alternatives to Target. Now it feels like I’m being punished for crimes I didn’t know I committed. (Whine, whine, whine, right? Maybe I should go club a baby seal and see if that makes me feel better! Um, that was a joke.) Maybe I’m just angry because the Associated Press announced that scientists are now predicting that Alaska’s summer ice will shrink by about 50% by 2050, which means, “The situation is dire for polar bears. They're going to drown, they're going to starve, they're going to resort to cannibalism, they're going to become extinct,” according to Kassie Siegel of the Center for Biological Diversity. Great, and I’m complaining about my fall wardrobe. Guilt and bitterness--isn’t that always a marriage enhancing combination? But seriously, I know I said Bruce Willis wouldn’t be able to get us out of this mess, but we need some leadership on this issue. We need a silver-tongued devil who can translate our mixed desires and confused feelings into a sustainable plan of action. Movie stars can’t do it, they’re too rich and who likes to be told what to do by a person who never worries about money. Al Gore can’t do it because as devoted as he is, his passion just doesn’t reach people in a visceral way. I’m not saying he’s boring; he’s just not riveting. I am loathe to compare this to the Civil Rights movement but we need a voice (like Martin Luther King Jr.) who can convince us that sacrifices for the sake of future generations are not only necessary, but noble.

Good News: I made actual plans for the weekend! I’m going for a walk, exploring new Greenmarkets and I’m going to experiment with my vegan cookbooks since it’s not exactly fair to complain about a meat-free diet when you eat the same seven things over and over again.

Bad News: Stupid fashion designers changed all the toe shapes of this year’s “hottest” shoes so now all my “hottest” shoes from last year are out of style. That’s not really a big deal while you’re a Freegan but man, is that going to cause me some dissonance when this exercise in torture (sorry, “experiment”) is over.

Worries: Do you think Husband will buy that “George Clooney is funn