Happiness is Contagious?

re: Happiness is Contagious?

tdi65 — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 01:33:28 GMT

I just had the worst year of my life, lost my job, father died then six weeks later my fiance died suddenly and unexpectedly... the next day the estate had me locked out of the house. Sad? The worst case of depression I have ever experienced. Did people avoid me? You Bet. Did I avoid people,? yep. I started avoiding people about week six after the last funeral because the questions all started sounding like this... "are you feeling better yet?".

Happy? How about compassion. Let's all try, instead of worrying about our own happiness, try having compassion for other people. That, the budhists say, is the true key to happiness.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

Freedom_Poodle — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 01:38:25 GMT

What a load of crap. : )

re: Happiness is Contagious?

slv123 — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:13:29 GMT

slv123 I agree with tdi This has been a year of the Twilight Zone for me and after helping family & friends most of my life when I really needed help most everyone scattered like RATS on a sinking ship!!I could not believe it! Some even had the rudeness to e-mail me and tell me not to tell them about my problems or they would never talk to me again! That happened to be a relative that has told me their problems for the last 15 years!!!!!!!!!!! My own daughter got a court order against me because she doesn't want to be around any problems even though I spent 6 years in court fighting for her from an abusive father! That is only a small piece of my year it was far worse!! But I know that some of you that are reading this are already beginning to get fed up!!!!!!!!!!

re: Happiness is Contagious?

slv123 — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:15:38 GMT

re: Happiness is Contagious?

EyesofaStranger7276 — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:36:48 GMT

I understand slv123. When youve got money and problems are minimal, the friends hang around and alls well. Phone calls from family are everyday and then they stop calling because you arent as important as the favorite in the family is. The friends dont come over much now and between heart problems, anxiety, depression, and less one income(my own because of my health issues) its hard to keep your head above water. I dont tell my family my problems because the phone call wouldnt last 20 seconds. Their problems are more important than my own. Thank God my wife understands and stands by me through all of this. Misery loves company but it wouldnt hurt for other people to grow up and be true friends and family. I guess they will find out the hard way.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

sunnyd72 — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:54:08 GMT

I think they are talking about people who are always unhappy and creating drama. not people who go through a hard time and get depressed because of something but those who are always looking for the worst in things and see the world in a darker light. In the last few years I have gotten rid of the people in my life who are unhappy all the time because they want life to be miserable. That's how they thrive. Being miserable. Since I have dwindled my friends to those who are more possitive and see the brighter side of life, (not to say that they don't have a bad day, we all do) my life has been happier.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

bigturd — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 02:54:28 GMT

So what! You pompuous duffus!... I am sick of hearing from all the Polly Anna crowd! The USA is in the biggest financial mess in history... and still the BS artists say... "Just think positive!!!!!" What a load of crap! I suspect you are paid by those whose interest is to get folks to believe they are OK... while stealing away the few pennies they still have...

Pick the right friends indeed! Pick friends who have scruples! Pick friends who do not think it is "OK" to screw you!

re: Happiness is Contagious?

meansle — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:09:15 GMT

Oh but for a perfect world. I Find the entire permise of the article a little dishearten, dump your unhappy friends . now what kind of friend and love one would I be and how can I live with that decision. Loyality and friendship should extends beyond ones on selfish need for personal happiness. I have no " Unhappy friends " but I do have friends like myself who need a hand to hold or a shoulder to cry on. That's real friendship and the measure of true happiness !! I don't make friends based on whether that person can make me happy because real happiness comes from within.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

freedomwithin2012 — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:43:40 GMT

What a bunch of unhappy people! And it seems apparent unhappy people don't take responsibility for their own feelings. HA HA! It is no wonder unhappy people are unhappy. Their feelings are inside their own body, yet they want to blame something outside of them. Ignorance! Ignorance!

I'm 10% happy 90 % unhappy but I do the best to take responsibility for my own feelings. I own them, not my friends or family or the economy that screws with me. I'll do my best to learn and practices until my happiness is 90% and 10% unhappy. Pain I know pain, loneliness, I know 20 years of prime years 22-42 of not even kissing another human being, or 60K in debt but each year I make change, INSIDE. Forget listening to you losers, complainers, those that don't sound the words of RESPONSIBILITY. It is never the lack of a job, or crap on the outside that is responsible; It is the crap in the inside! I'll listen to you for only so long, but no responsibility, I no listen, goodbye.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

Momwithoutmykid — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 03:58:50 GMT

To slv123: My heart goes out to you: I have lived your life for 5 years. I am so sorry about your daughter: nothing is more painful.

I have been a happy friend, despite my own living hell.

What are friends for that we can't help during the gloomy times, too? Tought times don't last, tough people do. ( Rev.Robert Schuller, CA)

The article "Happiness is contagious" is delusional. get real.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

Brian1981 — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 04:16:54 GMT

To Meansle. I couldn't agree with you any more. The whole idea of just walking away from friends to find new happier ones is ridiculous. I have alway been the guy that has always gone out of my way to try to be that person for people to lean on when times get tough. It happens to all of us.

I recently lost one of my closest friends because of his now wife has the mentality that friends are replaceable. I had known him for almost 15 years and we had both always seemed to be there for each other when times got tough. But when some times got tough for me and I needed that shoulder to lean on. He was nowhere to be found. I was told that I needed to start to change that he couldn't hold my hand. That just made things worse for the depression.

I have since gotten over him. And just hope that he and all of his seemingly close social friends are happy. And that one day when he needs a shoulder to lean on the way has needed in the past. One of those casual HAPPY friends is willing to be there. More thatn likely not because that kind of crowd always seems to be always looking for something better and HAPPIER. Not what I would consider the true meaning of friendship.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

NotSoBigMac — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 22:51:00 GMT

Friends are people you stick with. Perhaps not at every cost, but you're supposed to take a lot from them.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

Thaifood — Sat, 06 Dec 2008 17:12:26 GMT

Happiness is something you create. Some of the happiest people have many reasons to be unhappy. The difference between a happy person and a miserable person is one is grateful for what he or she has and counts their blessings everday.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

dgrox — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 04:31:53 GMT

I'm glad to get helpful messages, as lately I could use some happiness. Can't seem to geet a hold of it. I used to be quite happy. So, what do I do? Not too many of my friends exude much happines, as we are all over 70, and the physical parts of our bodies seem to dominate. Never used to be so. I grnt it is unpleasant all around, and I do try to continue my life....the daily stuff, therapy, etc. and doctor visits. Money is sparse....a lot sparser, and no companion anymore. He's gone but not forgotten. When I can't be of use to others and only to myself it's really not good. I do volunteer, but if I do more I don't thnk I can manage everything. Oh well, I'll read on and hope a lot more. Thanks for the articile. Posted by: Bird lover, (Dec. l2, 2008 at ll:32 pm)

re: Happiness is Contagious?

CoolForSchool — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:03:46 GMT

How many of us know someone who is fake-happy, who won't face anything bad or even be around anyone who is sick or going through a rough time, and have realized that this person is scared not of being unhappy, but of LIFE itself?

Brian1981, that old friend of yours and his "happy" friend who hurt you, sound like shallow losers. Let me say that one more time: what a LOSER. A friend who would dump someone during a common mental illness, during grief, during a major crisis - the kind that TDI65 described (death, job loss): LOSER. A person who characterizes such bad things as being something you should just ignore, or "get over because you're bringing me down, bra" rather than helping you work it out: LOSER. Being a real friend means being there for the ups and downs, and jointly helping each other have more "ups", even if it just means going out fishing together or doing other things that make you feel better.

On the bright side - when you have a friend who cuts and runs, you're better off without them long term, because their shallow attitude masks an inability to really appreciate life for what it is, good and bad. Look, you can't appreciate happiness or joy in your life, if you can't come to grips with pain, and that means staring it in the face and eventually vanquishing it or learning to live with it (for instance, when a loved one passes away). In the case of depression, that means not taking happy pills to dull the pain but getting counseling to understand the root of the problem.

In American society we are a bit chicken***t when it comes to those moments, terrified of seeing what's under the hood, beyond our forced cheerfulness, and if we give in, it makes us lesser people. I think TDI65's comments about family who want her/him to "be happier now" after two bereavements in six weeks, show what shallow people live in our midst. The trick is to not to seek out fake-happy people who persist in delusions about only thinking good thoughts, but to be with real people who can fight for a better day, who can truly appreciate the brighter side of life.

There's a big difference between those who choose to be negative, and those who have been cursed with less than ideal life circumstances. (Also: My older sister has dysthymia, which is a long term mild depression that can last for years.) I had a college roommate who didn't understand why I didn't "snap out of" my grief two weeks after my grandmother passed away, after a long fight with dementia. There's only one word for that type of attitude: you got it - LOSER. Today, I can focus on the happier days my grandmother had, and the long and productive life she led, but because I gave into my sorrow and grieved what she had lost. I learned an important lesson about my friends that day - that whatever happened, the ones who didn't ignore me or dump me during that time were the wise and loving ones who deserved my loyalty. Do I support my friends in rough times, the threat of foreclosure, job loss, divorce? YOU BET. How hard is it to take a friend out for hot chocolate, or watch "The Shawshank Redemption" together?

I have a close friend who was abandoned by some mutual friends, when she developed major depression. She was not a "drama queen" or someone who thrived on negativity for its own sake - I know one or two people like that, but the vast majority of unhappy people I've known were going through a difficult time and needed understanding and patience, along with a kick in the ass (such as suggesting counseling or changing life circumstances.) Those people who stopped being loyal to my depressed friend were immature and shallow wimps who left her during the fight of her life.

So, SunnyD, did you ever lovingly confront your friends who you believe "enjoy" being negative, or consider that some of them, too, might be suffering from a form of depression?

In the long term, there's a reward for those of us who remain loyal and a good friend - which means calling friends on their BS, but also helping them pick up the pieces. I wonder how you, SunnyD, and others who are so fast to dump friends, will find your positive friends when you hit a crisis point. Maybe you'll have more compassion when you realize how it feels when people walk away, and when a friendship you thought you had shows itself to be based only on the ephemeral "good moments" and nothing of substance.

To everyone else, especially going through tough times - hang on. There is light at the end of that tunnel. As my own father taught me, when I lost my job and got sick - things eventually get better.

re: Happiness is Contagious?

LynnRose — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 02:19:13 GMT

It is NOT okay to dump a friend just becuase they're sad. Being sad is okay once in awhile. It's apart of normal human emotions and during sad times friends should be sticking together. How would you feel if something terrible happened to you and instead of getting support from your trusted friends, they abadon you because you're just too "sad." However, it's not okay to be sad all the time either; definitley not healthy. You need a balance of all the emotions....happy, sad, angry, etc.