Nintendo E3 2007 press conference in Santa Monica, California

What is it?

The Nintendo E3 Press Conference.

Why should I care?

Wii. DS. Game Boy Advance.

Where did it take place?

Santa Monica Civic Center.

Opening act:

Video montage of Wii phenomenon--complete with YouTube clips.

First add-on shown:

The Wii Zapper. $19.99. Light gun game creators rejoice.

High point:

New footage of Super Mario Galaxy.

Low point:

No live demonstration of Super Mario Galaxy. 

Here we are now, entertain us:

We go to news conferences for, uh, news. (No, games that have already shipped in Japan don't count.) So if all Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime has for core gamers are video clips of brand extensions and release dates for said brand extensions, isn't this why email was invented?

Underwhelmaton:

Did we mention that there wasn't much news?

Sincerest form of flattery:

Yves Guillemot called; Ubisoft wants its Wii Wheel back.

Stat of the morning:

The Nintendo DS accounts for a quarter of all hardware sales this year.

Best line (rated E for Everyone):

"Nintendo is not a fad. Nintendo is the future"

The Inaugural Jeff Bell/Xbox 360 "Keepin' It Real" Award recipient:

Nintendo game design genius Shigeru Miyamoto, for asking the crowd, "Have you all been getting your sweat on lately?" Oh, fo' shizzle, Mizzle.

Oh-no-they-didn't:

During the video montage of Wii Board activities, the black couple is shown dancing. Why, it's as though this peripheral was expressly designed to show off their innate sense of rhythm.

Tastes great:

Thirty-two player online multiplayer for the next Medal of Honor on Wii.

Less filling:

Entering 31 Friend Codes to play a full online multiplayer game of the next Medal of Honor on Wii.

The Lord giveth...

Half of all games sold for Wii come from third party publishers...

...and the Lord taketh away:

...but that's down from two-thirds at the March 2007 Game Developers Conference. Talk about bearish.

Head scratcher:

There are a ton of Nintendo-published DS games in Japan that have yet to make their way to North American shores. Set them free, Reggie. 

Most unexpected:

The Wii balance board.

Most welcome:

The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. Because if we play it, we may just get one of our peers off our backs. 

Smartest move:

As much as Nintendo's privileging the casual over the hardcore is annoying to longtime E3 attendees like ourselves, who are we to question our new overlord's decision to throw over its loyal hygiene-deficient geeks for the well-scrubbed cool kids who make up the mainstream?

Biggest mistake:

The obesity epidemic is in North America--why is Wii Fit shipping in Japan first?

Elephant in the room:

The unfulfilled needs of the core Nintendo gamer, who's becoming as invisible as Snuffleupagus while the company pursues Alpha Moms and active seniors.

Snap judgement:

C+ for core gamers and working journalists.