What is it?
The Sony E3 Press Conference.
Why should I care?
PS3. PSP. PS2
Where did it take place?
Culver City Studios.
Opening act:
Sony Computer Entertainment America CEO Jack Tretton appearing as a digital avatar in Home.
First game shown:
Since we refuse to count trailer montages, we'd say that Star Wars Battlefront Renegade Squadron took the pole position.
High point:
The trailer for the Playstation Network's Escher-inspired Echo Chrome (we'd already seen the Killzone live demonstration the night before—and got the world exclusive first hands-on a few hours after the press conference.)
Low point:
The trailer for Star Wars Battlefront Renegade Squadron. It's never a good idea to show a PSP game on a massive screen, and that goes double for the pedestrian visuals in this game.
Here we are now, entertain us:
Someone please tell Hideo Kojima that we don't want to watch any more Metal Gear Solid 4 trailers. What do we want? A live demonstration. When do we want it? Now.
Underwhelmaton:
The new PSP doesn't look any different at a glance. Boo.
Sincerest form of flattery:
Sucker Punch's new game, inFamous, has a somewhat Crackdown-ish vibe.
Stat of the night:
PS3 sales, up 50 percent at SCEA's top five retailers following the recent price cut.
Best line (rated E for Everyone):
Sony's Tretton to a group of female avatars in Home: "Hey ladies, looking good."
Best line (rated T for Teen):
Tretton, semi-convincingly professing a bit of nervousness: "I've checked my fly three times, I'm good to go."
Best line (rated M for Mature):
Tretton, taking the Home humor a tad too far: "I left my door open, hopefully some of those hot chicks from the square will come and join us."
Best line (rated H for the Haters):
Phil Harrison, saying of Killzone 2, "It's not movie footage. This is real-time taken from the Playstation 3"
Oh-no-he-didn't:
Tretton, again saying that the PS3 is "future-proof?" That's great and all, but the bigger issue is that so far, the PS3 has been wallet-proof. Let's focus on that, please.
Tastes great:
PS3 + PSP + PC = cool features...
Less filling:
…but $500 + $170 + $500 = empty wallet.
Don't call us, we'll call you:
We wondered why there was nothing in the press conference from PS2 stalwart Rockstar Games. Apparently, none of Sony's emails to Rockstar soliciting trailers and video clips were returned. Did Sam Houser drop Tretton from his five?
Most welcome:
Despite a well-deserved reputation for press conferences whose running times rival those of Fidel Castro's speeches, this one clocked in at a relatively svelte 90 minutes. Our posteriors are grateful.
Most unexpected:
NCSoft's exclusivity deal with Sony to bring online games and MMOs to Playstation 3. Did not see that coming.
Most out-of-left-field:
Chewbacca...or Patapon? Chewie by a hair.
Most (theoretically) disappointed rock star-turned-philanthropist/videogame mogul:
Bono. Because had he been in attendance, he'd have been wondering what's become of the mysterious PS3 first party game Afrika; and recoiled at the "Last King of Scotland" meets "28 Days Later" vibe of the trailer for Resident Evil 5.
Smartest move:
Humility. Because when you're in third place, arrogance is not a good look.
Biggest mistake:
Not visibly shrinking the PSP. When competing with the DS Lite, size does matter.
Elephant in the room:
Will the price cut goose sales enough to keep PS3 relevant?
Snap judgment:
A- for genuine news and compelling games. B- for the confusing is-it-a-price-cut-or-not Keystone coppishness that followed. Maybe you'll all be on the same page next year.
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