Jamie Foxx (right) and Ne-Yo pay tribute to Jackson at the BET Awards. Photo, Kevin Winter / Getty Images.

by Allison Samuels

In between takes of the BET awards Sunday night in Los Angeles, Jamie Foxx continued a dialogue that he’d begun the night before at a BET pre-party. At both events, Foxx lamented how "they" (white America, presumably) had taken Michael Jackson away from us (African-Americans, definitely), and now we’d have to take him back. His tone and sentiment echoed the feeling of the week for many African-Americans as they began to come to terms with the death of the one of the world’s biggest stars. That included me.

As I sat in the audience at the awards, transfixed by the images of Michael that passed on the screen through the night, I couldn’t help but wipe away tears. When his baby sister, Janet, walked on the stage, her words really hit me like an arrow and put into context what many African-Americans are feeling in the wake of Jackson’s death. Janet Jackson told the audience that her brother was “icon to most—but, he was family to us.’’ And that’s exactly what Michael Jackson was to most African-Americans: family.

Looking at all those pictures of a younger Jackson before the nose jobs and skin-color change was like looking into my own family’s photo album. The hair, the clothes and the closeness of the Jackson family resembled any black family across the country, and the reason so much pride and an immediate connection was felt when the Jackson’s became international superstars.

To mainstream America, it may appear strange that the African-American community has in the last few days so defiantly claimed Jackson as their own in the wake of such ambivalent feelings about the pop star in recent years. But in reality, it makes perfect sense. Families disagree and families fall out and they may even refuse to speak to one another for years on end, but the love never really goes away.

Love was the overall vibe at the pre-awards-show event Saturday night where Foxx led a small group made up of Jill Scott, Macy Gray, Morgan Freeman, and Chaka Khan into an impromptu singalong of Jackson’s classic hit “Rock with You." Some tears were shed while others, like producer Teddy Riley—who arranged and produced Jackson’s hit “Remember the Time”—spoke of the good times he had with the singer to any who'd listen. “I had nothing but love for Michael, and I understood what stardom could do to you," said Riley. “And he was the biggest star of all—so he felt it more than anyone else."

Jackson’s ascent into mass superstardom after the release of Thriller in 1983 was a surprise to many but not for loyal African-Americans who’d followed Jackson from a beautiful child through his awkward teen years and beyond. While he seemed comfortable and accessible in the cocoon of African-American culture during those times, fame appeared to change Jackson at his core. A skin disease was blamed, as were other ailments in defense of his ever-changing appearance, but African-Americans saw it as a blatant attempt to distance himself from his history.

In truth, Jackson’s desire to look different in a world that did not then nor now embrace brown skin, kinky hair, and full lips (unless those lips are on Angelina Jolie’s face) was a painful reminder of our own insecurities as a minority group still searching for validation. His tortured view of himself, even in the light of world adoration, gave little hope that total acceptance could be ours. Interestingly enough, nose jobs are now the No. 1 surgery requested by African-Americans when undergoing plastic surgery. And the numbers of blacks receiving plastic surgery has tripled in the last 10 years.

Jackson’s troubles in recent years involving allegations of molestation also strained the community’s relationship with him. Many believed it was a setup—given that all the accusers were white or non-African-American, not unlike the way they felt about O. J. Simpson. Others just felt embarrassed that Jackson had brought yet another negative image of black men to the forefront.

I most certainly had a complicated relationship with Jackson. Though his album cover Off The Wall remained on my bedroom door through high school, I, too, ignore Jackson after the release of his mega-hit Thriller. He wasn’t the gorgeous little boy I’d fallen in love with as a child and even adored during his teenage bouts of acne and voice changes. I refused to watch his court battles or follow his highly publicized national interviews that were the talk of the town. I couldn’t bear to look at him and what he’d done to himself and chose to remember him easing on down the road with Diana Ross in The Wiz or rocking his Jheri curl in the "Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough" video.

As the days go by and the funeral of Jackson occurs, the outpouring of African-American grief will be on full view: grief over a riff that seemed to grow wider over the years and grief for the loss of a family member that we never had a chance to make peace with. But more than anything else for me, it will be grief based on a heartfelt love that never fully went away.

NEWSWEEK's music critic Seth Colter Walls wrote a piece last night describing how Michael Jackson's music failed to win him over as a fan. A lot of you commented, most of you stating (like stuff mcgee) that "while you give him [Jackson] some credit, you fail to recognize the level of sheer genius that MJ possessed."  Others, like stanbrakhage, wrote that "while I totally agree with you, I'm not sure our voice--the voice of the condescending hipster--makes for a necessary addition to all the news coverage." Walls responds to your comments below:

Whoa, okay! So a lot of you really, really hate this piece. The objections in the comments exhibit a range of thoughtfulness, from the worthwhile (my evaluation comes too soon after MJ's death) to the not-very (I don't like Jackson's music because I'm a "white dude"). On the first count, there are three things worth noting. One, this is not NEWSWEEK's sole article on Jackson's death. My colleague Joshua Alston has written a fine piece about Jackson's influence that many commenters want me to have rewritten. It's OK for a publication to employ multiple voices and perspectives on a story, and that includes first-person essays. (Look for more, from others, in the coming days.) Second, my decision to only engage Jackson's music—as opposed to the freak-show scandals—was an act of respect, since there are plenty of other outlets trodding the tabloid ground. But third, if you read the piece, its movement is one of my originally having a close-minded attitude to Jackson, and then growing out of that. Now, did he become my favorite musician? No. Do I prefer James Brown, Stevie Wonder, and Sly Stone (all of whom broke the color barrier on network TV before Jackson did on a cable channel)? Absolutely. I also prefer Prince, who I wrote about earlier this year. I get that fan emotions are running high right now, so I thought it made sense to speak to some of the more outraged comments. For those to whom Jackson meant a great deal, we're sorry for your loss. Now, as to the criticism that I don't like Michael because I'm white ... the less said the better. Thanks for reading! —Seth Colter Walls

It’s impossible to discuss Michael Jackson’s legacy without talking about his music videos, those ostentatious short films that elevated the music-video form a little more with every new entry. Michael was the first artist to truly marry the sound and the vision, and his videos were always appointment worthy. He’s the reason people wanted their MTV. In no particular order, here are eight of his finest video moments. (NOTE: Since M.J.'s company has disabled embedding, you'll have to double-click videos to view.)

‘Thriller'
It starts with a film within a film. Michael and Ola Ray are walking on a clear moonlit night. He asks her to be his girl. She accepts. “I have something I wanna tell you,” he says. “I’m not like other guys.” “Of course not. That’s why I love you,” she replies. “No … I mean I’m different,” he says. In light of all the bizarre Michael Jackson news that followed in the subsequent quarter century, that exchange has been interpreted a number of ways. The simplest explanation, of course, is that Michael is not like other pop stars. He’s not going to give you a cookie-cutter video, he’s going to create a grand spectacle with state-of-the-art technology, an actual story, and choreography that begs to be imitated. Oh, and he’s also a werewolf. Best. Video. Ever.

‘Black or White’
“Thriller” director John Landis reunited with Michael for this massive, globe-trotting clip. The video premiered in prime time and yielded huge ratings, which is hard to process now but highlights his pop dominance. Technology is only cool when its current, so the morphing effect at the end doesn’t look quite as polished as it could by today’s standards. But it was a marvel then. For an extra treat, watch the extended version with the controversial ending.

‘Smooth Criminal’
As a complete video, “Smooth Criminal” is Michael’s second-best work. The centerpiece to his mini-movie Moonwalker, “Criminal” finds him dancing through a ’30s-style nightclub. The anti-gravity lean is still an eye-popper.

‘Leave Me Alone’
It’s not one of his finest moments musically, but this clever, animated clip is one of his best videos, pointedly mocking the cottage industry that had sprung up around documenting his every move. It’s both defiant and sort of humble, suggesting that Michael had more sense of humor about the nonstop speculation on his life than most of us thought. This one nabbed him one of his two Grammys for best short-form music video (the other was for “Scream.”)

‘Beat It’
Classically trained jazz dancers … come out and playyyyy! I thought the limber street toughs were menacing when I was a kid. They’re not so menacing now. Still, the choreography is tight, as always, and Michael is to be applauded for addressing the issue of gang violence in his own way.

‘Remember the Time’
“Thriller” is, hands down, Michael’s best dance performance. For his second best, look no further than this clip for the second single from his Dangerous album. “Remember the Time” is typically long and studded with special effects and celebrity cameos. But the most stunning material comes at 6.25 minutes in, when Michael and a throng of dancers launch into a dazzling routine choreographed by Fatima Robinson. I could watch it a dozen times and not get bored.

‘Billie Jean’
It looks every bit like a video from 1983, but a darn good one. When Michael’s footsteps illuminate the sidewalk, it still seems like a groundbreaking effect, even though intellectually we know it isn’t.

‘Scream’ (featuring Janet Jackson)
“Scream” is the Michael Jackson superlative that doesn’t get mentioned much anymore. At a cost of $7 million, the clip, directed by Mark Romanek, remains the most expensive music video in history. But for all its futuristic sets and meticulous postproduction, what makes this video such a delight to watch is the interaction between Michael and Janet. Here are two of the biggest superstars in the world, making the most expensive video ever, and yet they come across as just a big brother and his little sister, goofing off, irritating each other, and generally having a blast.

Michael Jackson’s meteoric rise to fame was shepherded by television and photographs: the Jackson 5 lead singer broke out on American Bandstand, was immortalized in button-cute photographs as a kid, and became the world's most celebrated pop star with the advent of the music video. But some of his most iconic renderings came not through television, film, or photo, but rather through more traditional media like painting and sculpture. Five works of art that celebrate the star:

Michael Jackson and Bubbles by Jeff Koons. Provocative conceptual artist Jeff Koons has made a career of turning tabletop kitsch and American novelties into megalithic icons, and Jackson was not immune. Koons’s porcelain statue of the singer esthetically recalls the precious glass tchotchkes your grandmother might have kept, but the sculpture's message was more suggestive. Part of Koons’s Banality series, the piece is outsized (more than six feet long) and depicts Jackson’s young, male pet chimpanzee nestled in the singer’s arms. It sold for $5.6 million at auction.

King of Pop promotional tour poster. Ever wondering what Lincoln, the Mona Lisa and, er, E.T. would look like in Jackson's signature, oversize aviator shades? Wonder no more: this tour poster was transferred to stretched canvas. It depicts Jackson and a handful of other icons all wearing the same sunglasses and the characteristic rhinestone-encrusted glove. The piece was up for auction in April, before Jackson canceled the sale.

Michael Jackson (born 1958) by Andy Warhol. King of Pop, meet the arbiter of the pop movement. When Time featured Jackson on its cover in 1984, who else to capture him than pop artist Andy Warhol? The artist's signature silk-screening technique immortalized Jackson at the pinnacle of his fame, the same year he won a whopping eight Grammy awards for “Thriller.”

Michael Jackson Triptych by David Nordahl. Painted in the tradition of Gothic devotional triptychs, this three-painting foldout showed Michael as a light-bathed, omnipotent central figure and as the subject of both a coronation (at right) and knighthood (at left). The sumptuous oil figures were painted on top of a depthless background covered in textile-type motifs, giving the whole work the look of a regal tapestry.

Peter Pan car-hood decal. Jackson also initially put this electric car up for sale; its hood depicts an elaborate, airbrushed mural of the singer as Peter Pan in the trademark ragged green robes, with a pirate ship, ocean, planets, and stars swirling around in the background. The car also had Peter Pan decals on the seat cushions.

Longtime celebrity publicist Michael Levine represented Michael Jackson during the singer's first child-molestation trial. NEWSWEEK spoke with him regarding his former client's death and what he believes may have caused it. Excerpts:

How are you feeling right now?
So, I'm certainly feeling a powerful emotion, and that's sadness. I'll tell you one emotion that I'm not feeling, and that's surprise. I don't have any particular surprise. I was having lunch with my assistant about a quarter to 3 and my office called, and I was unsurprised. But very, very sad. And the metaphor or analogy here is the certain parallel to Elvis … he really looked up to Elvis, who died at 42; then [Jackson] dies at 50. I don't think it's appropriate to overlook [the similarities]. 

Describe why you weren't surprised—in what way?
In what way? Well, I'm not sure how to answer you except to tell you that I wasn't surprised. I represented him during the first molestation incident … One does not have to be Sigmund Freud to figure out that there was a kind of repetitive-pattern, egregious self-destruction, in lots and lots of arenas … There was just this kind of increasing pattern of self-destruction. And I've represented hundreds of major celebrities—there seems to be a kind of DNA component to self-destruction. It's one of the things I've kind of noticed … those who [sometimes] seem militantly determined to live life on their terms as opposed to on life's terms. Guess what? You can take a rock and throw it up in the air, and say gravity doesn't exist, but guess what? Gravity doesn't give a rat's ass what you believe.

Specifically, the family spokesman and other sources cite prescription-drug abuse, poor diet, overtraining, and the like.  To which of those things are you referring?
I think every one of those things could be part of a pattern [of behaviors].

Talk about how you began representing Michael.
For those of us who were around at that time, it was, at that moment, the largest scandal of its kind in the world. It was international in scope and unprecedented in the attention it got. That was in kind of the embryonic stages of this "new media." All that was the prelude to what exists today. At the time, it was the biggest story in the world. With the biggest star in the world. And I was a young man, front and center. I'm not sure anyone's ever fully prepared.

Would it surprise you if toxicity reports determine that drugs played a role in his death?
No. Nothing would surprise me, but I would say the root of his death—I think we can understand much more by reading Shakespeare than an autopsy report. Because I believe the arc of his self-destruction is Shakespearean in its proportions. Any one particular report—I just saw this, I'm sure you did too, that a family spokesman said the family enabled him—I think that's not where the money is. Where the money is, is in a combination of things … Was it food that killed Elvis? Was it drugs that killed Elvis? Was it insanity that killed Elvis? It's multidimensional.

The Los Angeles Times confirms that the King of Pop, 50-year-old Michael Jackson, has died after a cardiac episode in Los Angeles. Jackson was reportedly rushed to UCLA Medical Center this afternoon; paramedics reported that Jackson was not breathing when he arrived at the hospital.  NBC News and other sources have also confirmed the singer's death.

His death comes just days before the scheduled start of his 50-date tour at London's O2 Arena.

UPDATED: Share your thoughts on Michael's life and legacy in the comments -- we want to know what how you're reacting and what you're thinking.

John Landis, director of the "Thriller" video:

"I was lucky enough to know and work with Michael Jackson in his prime.  Michael was an extraordinary talent and a truly great international star.  He had a troubled and complicated life and despite his gifts, remains a tragic figure.  My wife Deborah and I will always have great affection for him."

Quincy Jones:

“I am absolutely devastated at this tragic and unexpected news. For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don’t have the words. Divinity brought our souls together on The Wiz and allowed us to do what we were able to throughout the 80’s. To this day, the music we created together on “Off The Wall,” “Thriller” and “Bad” is played in every corner of the world and the reason for that is because he had it all…talent, grace, professionalism and dedication. He was the consummate entertainer and his contributions and legacy will be felt upon the world forever. I’ve lost my little brother today, and part of my soul has gone with him.”

Michael Levine, former Michael Jackson publicist:

"As someone who served as Michael Jackson's publicist during the first child molestation incident, I must confess I am not surprised by today's tragic news. Michael has been on an impossibly difficult and often self-destructive journey for years. His talent was unquestionable but so too was his discomfort with the norms of the world. A human simply can not withstand this level of prolonged stress."
 

 

Below are seven other starlets who, like Fawcett, launched their careers with sultry print images.  Click out to view!

Kathy Ireland

Marilyn Monroe

Cheryl Tiegs

Betty Grable

Cindy Crawford

Brooke Shields

Bettie Page

Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences President Sid Ganis announced this afternoon that the Oscar race for Best Picture—a race traditionally between five films, at least since World War II—will double the number of contenders starting with this year's presentation.  "Having 10 best picture nominees is going [to] allow academy voters to recognize and include some of the fantastic movies that often show up in the other Oscar categories, but have been squeezed out of the race for the top prize," Ganis said.

It also makes room for more commercial picks, as recent Best Picture races have included few box-office hits and thereby hooked fewer viewers into the ceremony's broadcast.  In 2008, 2007 and 2006, respectively, the five nominees for the top Oscar grossed a cumulative $70 million. Compare that to earlier this decade, when the five grossed upwards of $130 million.  In doubling the field of contenders, you can fit movies like The Dark Knight or Wall-E that resonated both critically and commercially.

In the spirit of this new announcement, we're going to get all revisionist on cinema history.  Who might've made the cut in the last five years, if ten films were nominated?

77th Academy Awards Best Picture Nominees:

• The Aviator
• Million Dollar Baby
• Sideways
• Finding Neverland
• Ray

Woulda-beens:

• Closer
  
• Hotel Rwanda
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Maria Full of Grace
• Vera Drake
  

78th Academy Awards Best Picture Nominees:

• Crash
• Brokeback Mountain
• Munich
• Good Night, and Good Luck
• Capote
  

Woulda-beens:

• Walk the Line
  
• The Constant Gardner
• Cindarella Man
  
• A History of Violence
  
• Junebug
  

79th Academy Awards Best Picture Nominees:

• The Departed
• Little Miss Sunshine
• The Queen
• Babel
• Letters from Iwo Jima

Woulda-beens:

• Pan's Labyrinth
  
• Little Children
• Dreamgirls
• Borat
• Notes on a Scandal
  

80th Academy Awards Best Picture Nominees:

• No Country for Old Men
• Juno
• Atonement
• Michael Clayton
• There Will Be Blood
  

Woulda-beens:

• The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
• Lars and the Real Girl
• Into the Wild
• Away From Her
• Gone Baby Gone
  

81st Academy Awards Best Picture Nominees:

• Slumdog Millionaire
• Frost/Nixon
• The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
• The Reader
• Milk
  

Would-Beens:

• The Dark Knight
• Doubt
• Wall-E
• Revolutionary Road
  
• Rachel Getting Married
  

• Shocker of the Century -- Gosselins Are Divorcing.  Jon and Kate of Jon and Kate Plus Eight made their divorce official last night on their show, and said that their reality show will go on. They will interview separately and will live apart. [Baltimore Sun]

• "Burlesque" to be Cher's Latest Project.  Cher is taking on her first movie role in a decade, this time with Christina Aguilera. The pair will star in Burlesque, a musical that casts Aguilera as a small-town Iowa girl looking to make it big, Cher as club owner and former dancer. [Variety]

• Ed McMahon, Dead at 86. Former Tonight Show sidekick and Star Search host Ed McMahon has died after a struggle with pneumonia, NBC News reported. The 86-year-old was battling cancer when he contracted the illness. [Boston Herald]
  

Year One star Michael Cera, famous for irreverent, fun and even silly films, gets surprisingly serious in front of our cameras.  He talks about his love of history books, how he has a difficult time trusting people, and the downside of wearing a wig and makeup on set.  Click the player above to view.

They're strange bedfellows: the old guard of broadcast journalism, the new guard of Media 2.0.  But Twitter was atwitter with links and posts to YouTube videos of Walter Cronkite's most famous broadcasts yesterday -- check out an Associated Press aggregation of those Tweets here, or watch clips below:

Cronkite was the first to break news of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s assassination in the spring of 1968.

Cronkite interviewed the president at Hyannisport on Labor Day weekend in 1963.

Perhaps his most famous broadcast, Cronkite breaks the news of President Kennedy's assassination.

• "Year One" Drags Its Knuckles.  Year One, the caveman comedy out today that stars Michael Cera and Jack Black, has been panned as a blemish on the Apatow Productions laugh-track record. So far, Rotten Tomatos gives it an abysmal 20 percent, and MetaCritic a 41.  Maybe take Dad to see Up this Father's Day, instead?  [MetaCritic; Rotten Tomatoes]

• David Archuleta's Dad Enters Plea in Prostitute Case. Singer David Archuleta's father, James Jeffrey Archuleta, pled no contest to charges that he patronized a prostitute at a massage parlor in suburban Salt Lake City. The senior Archuleta became famous during his son's American Idol run for being demanding backstage and for reportedly micromanaging his son's song choices and career. [Associated Press]

• Reports Say Cronkite, 92, is Very Ill and Weak.  Mediabistro cited several unnamed CBS sources yesterday to report that Walter Cronkite is gravelly ill.  "The Most Trusted Man in America," 92, was the legendary as the CBS anchorman who presided for 19 years and helped turn the network's broadcast into the nation's most watched. He also broke the news of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s death. [Baltimore Sun]
  

We would say that Stephanie Pratt is eating her words, but that just seems... wrong, no? The star is on the cover of Us Weekly today, with this headline: "The Hills Made Me Bulimic." Now, Pratt is denying the statement to (who else) her boss, MTV.  The refute:

This was never actually going to be a cover story. I never approached [the magazine] to do a cover story.... The Hills did not make me bulimic. It was my own issues with self-esteem, and if anything, my life on The Hills has only helped me get healthy, 'cause I know how lucky I am to have this job and to have the chance to be a role model. And if it weren't for The Hills, I don't know how long I would have had those dark stages in my life.

 That was fast.  We wonder if MTV threatened to yank her from the upcoming, Lauren-less Season Six?  It certainly sounds that desperate.

• Penn Backs Out and Declines to Give Reason. A rep for Oscar-winning actor Sean Penn has confirmed that he will back out of his two current movie roles, in The Three Stooges and Cartel, the BBC reports. No reason was given; the wires speculate that Penn is aiming to resolve his marriage to actress Robin Wright-Penn. He withdrew a petition to divorce her earlier this year. [BBC News]

• Swift Takes Top Awards in Nashville. The CMT Awards counted on T-Pain, Def Leppard and Bill O'Reilly to spice things up--proving that country music is, more than ever, moving away from its roots. The big winner of the night was 19-year-old Taylor Swift, who took Best Video for "Love Story" in the fan-voted competition. [Associated Press]

• Bob Bogle, Dead at 75.  Guitarist for The Ventures Bob Bogle has died after a fight against non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, the rest of the band confirmed. Bogle and The Ventures had hits with "Walk Don't Run" and "Hawaii Five-O" back in their 1960s heyday. They were inducted into the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame last year. [Reuters]
  

Photos, David Rose for Playboy.

30 Rock and My Sister's Keeper star Alec Baldwin bares his soul for Playboy's July/August issue, in it describing a Baldwin-less 30 Rock.  "I'm done in 2012. In March 2012 I’ll wake up and say, ‘What am I going to do now? Am I done?’ I think I will be done. I may finish a play or something, but I'm retiring at the wrap party," he told the magazine. Frankly, a future without John Francis "Jack" Donaghy is one we never hope to countenance. But I guess that's what Hulu is for.

Also in the profile is the 51-year-old actor's admission that he considered suicide after a nasty voicemail he left for his daughter was leaked online. "“[I was] very serious … I spoke to a lot of professionals, who helped me … If I committed suicide, they [Kim Basinger’s side] would have considered that a victory. Destroying me was their avowed goal.”

Check out the full interview here.

• Outcry Prompts (Another) Letterman Apology. After threats of protests hit The Late Show, David Letterman devoted both his Monday night monologue and a large portion of his show to apologizing, again, to Gov. Sarah Palin and her family for his untoward remarks. (Earlier, he made an off-color joke about a Bristol Palin-Alex Rodriguez tryst, after the former was thought to be at a Yankees game; turns out, it was her 14-year-old daughter Willow). [Entertainment Weekly]

• Up, Up and Away for Pixar.  Up is still the movie to beat in summer '09 -- after only its third frame, it's cumulative total is $187.4 million -- but it is on track to become the movie to beat in Pixar history. At this rate, the film will pass the studio's other big hits like Ratatouille and Wall-E, and is set to become the second-highest grossing film ever for the studio, behind only Finding Nemo. [Variety]

• Digital TV Transition Goes Smoothly. After all the doomsday predictions, wringing of hands and general horror over the FCC's planned transition from analog to digital television signal, the organization is now saying that the switch went off with barely a hitch.  Said FCC Commissioner Jonathan S. Adelstein: "It's looking more like Y2K than the Bay of Pigs." [Washington Post]
  

If Oscar-winning screenwriter and playwright Peter Morgan is a smear of our favored brand of extra-crunchy peanut butter, then actor Michael Sheen is a thick slathering of homemade strawberry jam. The two are seemingly inextricable in the movie business, and it works deliciously: Morgan writes the gracefully athletic words, and Sheen executes them to perfection, whether as firecracker anchor David Frost (Frost/Nixon) or a coolly diplomatic Tony Blair (The Queen; The Special Relationship). 

So when it was announced today that Morgan will join the scripting team at work on the next Bond movie, our first thought was, "Cool—who will Michael Sheen play?!"

It won't be Bond, as Daniel Craig has already signed on to reprise his grisly, humorless-in-a-good-way 007.  And it may not be anybody, as the film is set for a 2011 release (soonish!).  But we think he'd make a marvelous Morgan villain.  What do you think?

• Virgin to Launch Download Service. Virgin Media and Universal will partner to offer an all-you-can-download MP3 service for a flat rate, the companies announced today; early estimates are between $20 and $30 per month. The service, which would launch sometime next year, is a seen as a last-ditch effort to battle Apple's iTunes hegemony, and also to deter piracy. [Reuters]

• Slow Weekend for the Box Office. Poor Eddie Murphy-- his second straight box-office bomb came this weekend in the form of Imagine That, which couldn't crack the top five and pulled in less than $6 million. And the weekend's big-budget thriller offering, a remake of The Taking of Pelham 123, also fared poorly, opening in third place behind Up (second with $30.5 million) and The Hangover (first in its second weekend with $33.4 million). [New York Times]

• Carradine Funeral Draws "Kill Bill" Cast and More. Actor David Carradine, 72, was finally laid to rest Sunday in Los Angeles, where hundreds attended his private funeral. The cause of his death is still under investigation, though an independent forensics expert has determined that it was not a suicide, as originally reported by Thai authorities. [Los Angeles Times]
  

Check out NEWSWEEK's exclusive clip of the upcoming National Geographic documentary A Decade Behind Bars: A Return to The Farm.  The film is a sequel to 1998's inmate-perspective documentary The Farm: Life Inside Angola (click to watch full doc), which was nominated for an Oscar for its portrayal of six prisoners at Louisiana's high-security penitentiary. Of those original six, four remain to tell their stories—how their lives have evolved since the first film, and how the prison facilities themselves have drastically changed. The doc airs June 16.  Click above to view our sneak peek!

By Nicki Gostin

The last few years have been interesting times for food and eating habits, as "slow food," locavores and farmer's markets have entered mainstream conversations about how we eat. This spring saw Michelle Obama planting the first garden on White House grounds since the era of President Roosevelt. One of the Pied Pipers leading the movement to eat more fresh, local fruits, vegetables and meats has been author Michael Pollan. In books such as In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto and The Omnivore's Dilemma, Pollan explains why junk food really is junky and why it's so important not to eat food that has ingredients that you can't even pronounce. Now Pollan appears in the new documentary Food Inc., a disturbing look at giant food companies in the United States, with a focus on the beef industry. NEWSWEEK's Nicki Gostin spoke with Pollan about whether the cost of food at farmer's markets is worth it, why Europeans eat better than Americans and the steps we can all take to improve how we eat. (For more Pollan, check out head-to-hoof article on pork, for which he was interviewed). Excerpts:

• At Least 1 Million to Have TV Problems Today. As six decades of analog television come to an end today, at least 1 million homes are expected to be left without TV service, the Associated Press reports. In preparation, the FCC has 4,000 operators on standby and has set up demonstration centers in several cities. [Associated Press]

• Gosselin Children Are Dehydrated. Kate Gosselin was filmed by Access Hollywood behind the scenes, refusing to share water with her very thirsty children--and blogs are calling her a bad mother.  So, you know, something new and different for today. [Gawker]

• Bret Michaels is Angry With the Tonys. After retaining his good humor for a while there--saying he was recovering with help from Shrek and Donkey--Bret Michaels is lashing out at the Tony Awards, People reports. The statement is quite long, and concludes with this: "I thank the Good Lord I have a thick skull and I have a feeling this may have been my first and final curtain call at the Tonys." [People]

Most people go with cake and champers, but in honor of her 40th birthday, Chastity Bono gave herself the gift of... man.  Shortly after her over-the-hill celebration, the daughter of Sonny and Cher began undergoing the preliminary stages of gender-reassignment, MSNBC reports.  Her rep confirms that Bono is in transgender transition and says he'll go by Chaz.  The full statement:

He is proud of his decision and grateful for the support and respect that has already been shown by his loved ones. It is Chaz’s hope that his choice to transition will open the hearts and minds of the public regarding this issue, just as his ‘coming out’ did nearly 20 years ago. We ask that the media respect Chaz’s privacy during this long process as he will not be doing any interviews at this time.

It goes without saying that this is the No. 1 thing on Twitter right now.

It's the rap-world equivalent of a bugle sounding taps: When a once-cool hip-hop technique is being used to shill watery milkshakes, you can consider it officially FUBAR.

Jay-Z told a Chicago radio station on Tuesday that the inspiration behind his new track "D.O.A." (for "Death of Auto-Tune") came from a Wendy's commercial that used the pitch-fragmenting sound processor.  Wendy's "Frosty Posse" jingle (above) was the official moment, the rapper said, when a former way to make "great music" went from "trend" to "gimmick." Since the technique gained popularity within rap specifically and then music generally, it's seeped onto Saturday Night Live and into YouTube spoofs of Katie Couric.  We're going to call the lyrics downright snarky:

This is anti-autotune, death of the ringtone/

This ain’t for iTunes, this ain’t for sing-along/

This is Sinatra at the opera—bring a blonde

There's no question who wins this spat. Flip turns of phrase like I might send this to the Mixtape Weezy, set against cool instrumentation (is that a xylophone?!), decidedly trump Do you wanna get Frosty wit meeee?

To hear "D.O.A.", click below.

Not The New York Times, but you're getting warm—the answer is the flagging paper's balance sheets. So says Daily Show correspondent Jason Jones, anyway, in segment of the show that tours the Times' newsroom and profiles "aged news," in part via a very uncomfortable sit-down interview with Bill Keller himself. See the segment on Hulu right now.

The paper responded earlier today to the uneasily funny treatment with a blog post, in which Times reporter Dave Itzkoff both interviews Jones and jokes that he just might take the comedian's words out of context—"to show him how it feels." (Itzkoff doesn't, because, "unlike some media outlets, we [the Times] would never do that." Zing!)

Both the segment and the Times' responding Q+A are pretty darn funny—but, given the paper's $74.5 million loss last quarter, laughing makes us feel more than a little guilty. Isn't this like shooting a fish in a barrel? 

What do you think?

So now we know what crosses the line.  If you eviscerate Gov. Sarah Palin on Saturday Night Live, and compare her speechifying to beauty-pageant stumping, you can expect her to take it in stride. But call her a "slutty flight attendant" while making untoward remarks about her brood, and expect her full wrath.

The background:

After David Letterman made some crude jokes about Bristol Palin in Monday's Late Show monologue—specifically, joking that the 18-year-old abstinence crusader had been knocked up by Yankees third baseman (and Kate Hudson squeeze) Alex Rodriguez—Sarah Palin fired back with this -- check out our Gaggle post on it, as well:

Laughter incited by sexually perverted comments made by 62-year-old male celebrity aimed at a 14-year-old girl is not only disgusting, but it reminds us that some Hollywood/NY entertainers have a long way to go in understanding what the rest of America understands.

 We were, as we often do, making jokes about people in the news and we made some jokes about Sarah Palin and her daughter, the 18-year-old girl, who is—her name is Bristol, that’s right, and so, then, now they’re upset with me. These are not jokes made about her 14-year-old daughter. I would never, never make jokes about raping or having sex of any description with a 14-year-old girl. I mean, look at my record. It has never happened. I don’t think it’s funny. I would never think it was funny. I wouldn’t put it in a joke… Gov. Palin, if you’re watching, I would like you to consider coming to New York City—even Todd—as my guests, or leave Todd at home. I’d love to have you on the show. It’d be exciting. All right, so there, I hope I’ve cleared part of this up. Am I guilty of poor taste? Yes. Did I suggest that it was okay for her 14-year-old daughter to be having promiscuous sex? No.

And as of this morning, Palin issued an "exclusive" statement via her rep to FoxNews, along the lines of Letterman-can-shove it:

The Palins have no intention of providing a rating's boost for David Letterman by appearing on his show. Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman.

What do you think? Is Letterman out of line?  Or is Palin, who keeps erroneously stating that Letterman's jokes targeted Willow, rather than Bristol, just being cranky?

• DMB Still Sells Through. Dave Matthews Band snagged the third-best album debut of 2009 this week, rising to the top of the Billboard pop charts with Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King, which has sold 424,000 copies. DMB bumps Eminem's comeback album, Relapse, which was No. 1 for the two weeks prior. [The New York Times]

• Armstrong Project Coasts With Ross Addition. The producing team behind the Lance Armstrong biopic has hired veteran Gary Ross to write the script -- the same guy who penned the Oscar-nominated sports movie Seabiscuit from its original book. Ross will be working primarily to adapt story elements from Armstrong's 2000 memoir, It's Not About the Bike, which was co-authored with Washington Post sportswriter Sally Jenkins. [The Hollywood Reporter]

• Swine Flu in Mexico Leaves Empty Theaters. How has swine flu in Mexico affected movie attendance, which, as we all know, requires you to sit for two-plus hours in very close quarters with 250 other people? Reports Variety: For a short period of time, some Mexico City theaters required every customer coming through the door to sanitize his hands, creating long, winding lines. Initially, the government said movie patrons everywhere would have to sit seven feet apart from one another, but when exhibitors complained, the rule became a recommendation only. As a result, the trade reports, the major studios are curtailing their expectations significanly for summer's tentpoles. [Variety]
  

Photo by F Micelotta/American Idol 2009/Getty Images.

By Joan Raymond

Let's talk images. A snake. A butterfly. A young man with his shirt unbuttoned to his waist, pouting at the camera. Lots of chest stubble. Alone, each image is rather boring. Put them together, and what you have is a hotter-than-Johnny Depp new Rolling Stone cover of American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert. The 27-year-old dude who made guyliner fashionable again gave an interview to the magazine confirming—big surprise—that he's gay. What's really surprising: I can't stop thinking about him. And neither can any of my cougar-aged friends. We love Adam, truly, madly, deeply, in a kind of weirdly Mrs. Robinson sexual way. And the reason doesn't just have to do with our past lives as professional groupies. It also has something to do with biology.

Just a few short months ago, most of my female friends and I were clueless about Adam Lambert. We're busy, professional women, some of us with demanding families and children, all of us with demanding jobs. We never spent our Tuesday nights in front of the TV. Yet this year, for slightly more than two months, phone calls went unanswered and any type of social or familial interactions were put on hold on so we could plop ourselves in front of our sets at 8 p.m. to watch American Idol, the No. 1 rated show on TV, which none of us had ever bothered with before. It started innocently enough: A friend, waylaid by a flu bug, was channel-surfing from the comfort of her couch one Tuesday evening and saw a bejeweled young thing singing a scorching rendition of Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire." She left us phone messages and tweets, saying, and I quote, "ohmygawdyouhavetoseethisemoglambowielovechildonAmericanIdol." We went, "Huh," but we tuned in the following week. And then we were gone.

[CLICK MORE>> FOR FULL STORY]

Less than one month after Donald Trump deigned to let Miss California Carrie Prejean keep her crown, the blonde former model will now lose her title. Documents obtained by Fox News cite Prejean's unwillingness to fulfill her Miss California obligations—whatever those may be—and that Trump himself gave the final approval to fire her. It quotes him:

I told Carrie she needed to get back to work and honor her contract with the Miss California Organization and I gave her the opportunity to do so.... Unfortunately it just doesn’t look like it is going to happen and I offered [the organization] my full support in making this decision.

The new TV spots for Sacha Baron Cohen's Brüno are up—check it out, above. Among the goofy, German-tinged voiceover lines? "Brüno ist rated RRRRRR!" 

Now that they've ridden the early NC-17 warnings from the MPAA to their full publicity potential, guess it's time to distance themselves?

• Efron to Take On Tony Manero? Zac Efron recently detached himself from the Footloose remake, his reasoning that he didn't want to be the cherubic Musical Guy all his life. But now, Efron's name is cited as the top pick for a Saturday Night Fever remake that American Idol judge Simon Cowell is organizing. Think he'll bite? [Kansas City Star]

• Tyson Marries in Vegas Hotel-Casino.  Mike Tyson wed his girlfriend, Lakiha Spicer, at a Vegas casino chapel yesterday -- just two weeks after his four-year-old daughter accidentally strangled herself to death on a dangling cord from a treadmill in the boxer's home. Spicer is Tyson's third wife. [AP via USA Today]

• Carradine Details May Corroborate Family's Claim of Homicide. New details emerging from body photos of 72-year-old actor David Carradine may uphold his family's claims that his bizarre death was not a suicide or a sex-play accident (as Thai authorities have deemed it), but rather a murder. The body photos also show a wig and fishnets, according to ABC News, and there is red women's lingerie nearby, suggesting others helped tie him up. [ABC News]
  

A new extra scene from forthcoming project Paper Heart, a documentary-slash-movie (trailer above) about being in love, made by two people in love -- Michael Cera (Arrested Development) and Charlyne Yi (Knocked Up). In this clip, Jack Black... well, you'll see.

Last night, Mark Paul Gosselaar -- in character as Zack Morris -- committed to the Saved by the Bell reunion that Jimmy Fallon is attempting to orchestrate on Late Night.  (If you haven't seen the clip yet, immediately watch). So far, that gives us Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkeley), A.C. Slater (Mario Lopez), Mr. Belding (Dennis Haskins), Lisa Turtle (Lark Voorhies), and now Zack (Gosselaar). But what about the most and least attractive characters, respectively, on the show -- Kelly Kapowski (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen) and Screech (Dustin Diamond)?  They've yet to sign on -- who will hold out the longest?  Early advantage goes to Dustin Diamond, who's supposedly publishing Behind the Bell, the tell-all memoir about the show. What do you think?

And if you really want to feel old today, consider this: it's been 15 years since our Bayside buddies wrapped production on Saved by the Bell: The College Years. Sigh.

I postulated earlier that Land of the Lost may be Will Ferrell's worst-reviewed film in his career as a big-time leading man. Turns out, that's just about the kindest thing that's been written about the comedian this week: as the Los Angeles Times writes in a sprawling feature today, Hollywood views him as a guy whose "movie-star credentials should be revoked."

Say what?!

Industry insiders and studio execs sound off about Universal's dinosaur-sized failure in the story, which specifically cites Ferrell's brand and comedy empire as "poorly managed." Misstep No. 1 for the star's team was lobbying hard for director Brad Siberling (Lemony Snicket), who is roundly denounced as having driven the movie into the ground. Says writer Patrick Goldstein in the article:

Sandler is the master of dumb hijinks. Eddie Murphy has become a cuddly family star. But who is Will Ferrell? No one knows anymore.

He's in danger of becoming the comedy equivalent of George Clooney, someone who enjoys a great deal of goodwill but who isn't actually a real movie star. That's what happens when you go down with the ship, promoting a movie that, as the New York Post's Lou Lumenick memorably put it in his review, "does not seem aimed at any identifiable demographic except fans of bad movies.

If your comments and the film's reviews are any indication, we already know how you feel about Land of the Lost. But is its star about to recede into a Jim-Carrey-like hibernation?  Or can you, like me, not imagine a world without Ferrell?

• Adam Lambert Comes Out -- and Says a Lot of Other Stuff, Too. In Rolling Stone's cover story this week -- a profile of Adam Lambert, runner-up of American Idol -- the rocker admits that he is gay, and moreoever, that he was semi-attracted to Kris Allen, his roommate and a "pretty" guy who is "totally [his] type."  But more interesting, he essentially admits he decided to try out for Idol after tripping on shrooms. [Rolling Stone via USA Today]

• The Gosselins Don't Beat Their Pets -- That Hard. The Gosselin family of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame just spoke out to quash rumors that they beat their dogs. (This after rumors that Kate is cheating, Jon is cheating, they overwork their children, and more). In response to Humane Society complaints, Jon had this to say: "Those kids beat them up, climb on them, pull their tails, bite at them, drag them around and everything you can imagine not to do to an animal, they've done." Not exactly... reassuring. [ABC News]

• Bradley Cooper, Movin' On Up.  With his first major starring role in The Hangover, Bradley Cooper is now on a big upswing -- following the successful opening weekend for his film , he's now in talks to join as a star of The A-Team. He would play the part of Face in the Fox adaptation. [Hollywood Reporter]
  

This morning's Mix gave you the dish on the weekend box office numbers as they were -- namely, with Up squeaking out a sliver of a victory over runner-up The Hangover.  But hold the presses!  The Todd Phillips-directed buddy flick -- for which we interviewed the supremely funny Zach Galifianakis last week -- actually took top honors once all cash was counted.  And they truly eeked it out -- the margin between the films is roughly $300,000 to $400,000, Warner Brothers estimated.  By the latest calculations, The Hangover takes between $44.6 and $44.8 million, while Up will likely tally around $44.4.

This is interesting for quite a few reasons.  While a $44.4-million second weekend is hardly a loss for Pixar, it is a bit of a shock -- Up was the easy pick for No. 1, with its stellar reviews and a family-friendly tone that should've snagged significant matinee sales. But where adult audiences should've splintered -- with Will Ferrell loyalists migrating to Land of the Lost, and the rest chancing it on The Hangover -- they didn't.  Lost failed to siphon off grownup (or family) moviegoers, never mounting a threat and allowing The Hangover and Up to cleanly split the difference.  As The New York Times pointed out, it's strange -- but efficient, I suppose -- to have summer's sleeper and biggest flop in the same weekend.

And speaking of the big winner:

One of the things we loved about The Hangover was its cheeky soundtrack, including a clever revival of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" (really, it's possible), and a great reference to Kanye West's "Can't Tell Me Nothing," the alternate music video of which Galifianakis starred (see above). Some music blogs are buzzing over tracks like these that didn't make it onto the officially released soundtrack, so if you're looking for a full (albeit unofficial) list of songs in the film, check out ReelSoundtrack's compilation.

Poison front man Bret Michaels -- who took a spill Sunday after colliding with a setpiece during the Tony Awards -- had three stitches put in his lip and has fractured his nose, the Associated Press is reporting.  He's also undergoing a precautionary CAT scan -- but isn't suffering from sour grapes.  He reportedly laughed backstage at host Neil Patrick Harris' remark that the singer "gave 'head-banging' a whole new meaning."

• "Land of the Lost" Fails to Tempt. Not even Will Ferrell could save Land of the Lost from itself -- or is he the reason it didn't sell? The movie scratched together a mere $19.5 million, though it cost more than $200 million to make, distribute and promote. Meanwhile, The Hangover very nearly nabbed first place away from Up -- the former took $43.3 million, while the latter's second weekend took $44.2 million. [The New York Times]

• Current TV Journalists Sentenced to Hard Labor.  The two journalists working on a story for Al Gore's Current TV in North Korea have been tried and sentenced to a labor camp for "hostilities against the Korean nation and illegal entry."  Laura Ling and Euna Lee have been imprisoned since March. [ABC News]

• Bret Michaels Meets Business End of Tony Set Piece.   When a piece of the stage set at Sunday's Tony Awards descended after a performance (not unlike a curtain -- check video here), it found an unaware receiver in Poison frontman Bret Michaels. It clobbered him in the face and knocked him to the ground after his opening performance of a Broadway revue. Rep says his nose isn't broken, though he was rushed to the hospital. [Associated Press]
  

The Associated Press is reporting a statement from Universal Studios that responds to the woman who claims she was crippled during a scene of Brüno:

The allegations made by Richelle and Lance Olson in their complaint are completely baseless. Filmed footage of the full encounter, which took place more than two years ago, clearly shows that Ms. Olson was never touched or in any way assaulted by Sacha Baron Cohen or any member of the production and suffered no injury. If the Olsons elect to proceed with their frivolous action, we expect each of the defendants to be fully vindicated.

You can check out our homepage spectrum of today's movie reviews for Land of the Lost, the Will Ferrell-toplined movie that's an adaptation of the 1970s dinosaur adventure-show.  As you can see, the critics have been brutal -- anytime a movie is dismissed as "an ersatz pot of dinosaur piss," you might wanna consider other ways to drop $12.  But is this film the worst-reviewed ever in Ferrell's career as a headlining star?

It's certainly a contender. As of press time, its 23-percent rank on Rotten Tomatoes notches below the universally panned Bewitched, and is just on the heels of 21-percent-er Semi-Pro.  On MetaCritic, it falls well below both of those movies with a ranking of 32 -- the lowest score assigned any movie Ferrell has ever headlined with the exception of his co-starred SNL film, 1998's A Night at the Roxbury.  So it depends on your timeline.  At the very least, it's among the most abysmally reviewed outings for the star in the last decade, and is likely the worst since he departed Saturday Night Live to focus full-time on film.

But will this have any bearing on Land of the Lost's box-office take? Probably not, analysts are projecting, as all Ferrell films tend to perform similarly regardless of critics. The movie is billed "as a cross between Jurassic Park and Saturday Night Live," reports Reuters, and with its family-targeted marketing, is likely to fetch $30 million or more this weekend. Universal Studios certainly isn't distancing itself, despite the poor reception: "If you like Will Ferrell, you'll have a blast with this film," distribution president Nikki Rocco told Reuters.

Interesting, then, that Ferrell's IMDB page does not list the film, and hasn't for the past few days. The studio may be embracing Lost, lumps and all, but is the star?

**UPDATE:** IMDB now lists the film, though it wasn't there for the days preceding Land of the Lost's opening.  Mystery!  Intrigue!

Poster, courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures.

The whole time I sat through The Hangover, I could not stop wondering how the makeup artists made Ed Helms' missing tooth (see above, at right) look so real... or rather, really-not-there.  Turns out, it was no trompe-l'oeil -- the big, gummy gap in the 35-year-old Office star's smile is authentic.  As Helms -- who plays an uptight dentist in the film -- told People:

It is totally real. I have an implant. An adult tooth never came in … and when I was 16, they did a permanent implant. We started to do different tests with prosthetics and blacking it out and nothing worked. I wasn't eager to take out my implant because my mouth is healthy, but I talked to my dentist … and he was like, 'Yeah we can do it!' My dentist was really into it.

Gwyneth Paltrow was on Conan O'Brien's fourth Tonight Show last night, and typically, she showed off her toned stems (thanks, Iron Man 2 preparation) by wearing a scrap of wisp of a dress.  But while she attempted to dazzle the world with her wit and child-rearing tips (give 'em beer and Jay-Z -- really), bloggers and Twitter-ers were instead dazzled by her unnaturally shiny legs.  She was wearing sequins and her legs still had more sheen and blinding sparkle than her dress, for God's sake.  Was there baby oil involved?  Was she sweating?  Or is her skin just naturally as taut, pale and smooth as one of those windshield reflector thingies?

Taking the fall, of course, is GOOP -- Paltrow's holistic-lifestyle brand and blog, already a target for its soothingly PC vibes.  A sampling of this morning's headlines:

Gwyneth Paltrow Puts Too Much GOOP On Her Legs

What Was That GOOP All Over Gwyneth Paltrow's Legs on The Tonight Show?

Gwyneth Paltrow's Goopy Legs Shock Viewers

But seriously, what was that stuff?

Nia Vardalos, the voluptuous star of the Oscar-nominated indie hit My Big Fat Greek Wedding, is not so voluptuous these days. Standing 40 pounds trimmer, she has also unwound her dark, corkscrew curls into softer, blonder Hollywood waves. Today, where she once draped her bod in dumpy momwear, she now stands confidently in minidresses.

By the weight-obsessive standards of her chosen field, this would be considered simply a shrewd career move. But Vardalos has spoken publicly about her battles with infertility and her genetic predisposition for diabetes, which she ignored for years. Recently, her doctor urged her to cut her weight to prevent the disease's onset, according to an interview she gave last week to People. This time, she listened.

So why are the reviews of her ultracheesy new pic, My Life in Ruins, highlighting her new image as equally central to the film's failure than its truly insufferable script? Variety's acid-tongued review describes her as "strutting" across the screen while sporting "2½-inch wedges, thigh-baring skirts and [a] honey-toned Sarah Palin coiffure." Roger Ebert lambasts her (in an otherwise spot-on review) for being "thinner, blonder, better dressed, looks younger and knows it. She's like the winner of a beauty makeover at a Hollywood studio. She has that don't touch my makeup! look." And Entertainment Weekly writes "[b]lunt and brassy, with a meticulous windswept mane and an air of officious sexiness, she might be warming up to star in The Arianna Huffington Story."

Ouch.

To say that Vardalos's career success is directly proportional to her weight is nothing short of ridiculous. Would we say the same of Rita Wilson and Jennifer Aniston, two other Greek girls who slimmed down and baliage-d their dark waves to get more work? Not a single story today has pegged Aniston's coming in at No. 8 on Forbes's most-powerful-celebrities list as being solely due to her yoga regimen.

If anything, seeing Vardalos proudly showing off a healthy—not overly skinny—physique in summery sundresses is a welcome change from the klutzy, self-loathing Toula Portakalos, her character in Wedding. She's taken control of her life and her health. She's back in cinemas, with two 2009 releases after a years-long break from film—one she attributes to a bout of depression over her infertility issues. 

And, most critically, My Life in Ruins is a horrible movie for eleventy-billion reasons—the very, very least of which is its star's newfound attractiveness. This movie includes the rhyming of "Socrates" and "feta cheese" by Richard Dreyfuss, truly at rock bottom as a ribald American tourist. Vardalos's romantic interest is a hairy bus driver named (wait for it) Poupi Kakas. Even Rachel Dratch is slumming it in this movie, and she has no career to speak of.

Surely a half-star review is more justified by those things than by Vardalos's tanned, toned legs? 

NEWSWEEK's movie mastermind David Ansen unpacks the history of the neurotic New Yorker--the peg being Whatever Works, Woody Allen's latest film and the director's cinematic return to NYC after a several-picture series in Europe.  Whatever Works stars Larry David in the Allen-esque role of over-obsessive misanthrope -- and Ansen makes the claim that neither David nor Allen could've succeeded without the torch-bearing Oscar Levant.  An excerpt from the piece, below:

Has the Neurotic New York Jew lost his power to make us squirm? Watching David enacting one of Allen's archetypal alienated souls, I couldn't help but think that neither of these angst-ridden schmoes could have existed if it weren't for Oscar Levant, the man who almost single-handedly introduced The Neurotic into the pop-culture lexicon. Levant, initially renowned as a gifted classical pianist and the foremost interpreter of Gershwin, frequently popped up in movies (An American in Paris, The Bandwagon) as the comically cynical sidekick. But it was his appearances on TV in the 1950s that left an indelible and twisted stamp. Brilliant, hypochondriacal, mordantly and sometimes cruelly witty, both drug-addicted and manic-depressive, he turned his mental instability into subversive vaudeville. As savage on himself ("Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character," he told Jack Parr) as on his targets (When Frank Sinatra Jr. was kidnapped, he said "it must have been done by music critics"), Levant was a blinking, twitching affront to the can-do optimism of the Eisenhower era. He got thrown off the air in 1956 with his comment on Arthur Miller and Marilyn Monroe's Jewish wedding: "Now that Marilyn Monroe is kosher, Arthur Miller can eat her."

Friends and family of actor David Carradine, who was found dead this morning in his Thai hotel room, are now saying that they dispute Thai authorities' pronouncement that the 72-year-old committed suicide.  Director Adam Rifkin -- who worked with the actor -- has said he "find[s] it extremely hard to believe that ... [this] was done in by his own hand."   Meanwhile, Carradine's mother-in-law Betty Fraser also disputes the suicide claims, saying that "he was a very strong person and I don't think it's likely at all."

And now The Daily Mail is reporting that the death-by-hanging "accidental," per Carradine's spokesman Chuck Binder.  The rep also gave the following quote to TMZ.com: "We can confirm 100 percent that he never would have committed suicide. It was an accidental death. Everybody is in shock."

David Carradine in a scene from 1970s action series Kung Fu.

Kill Bill and '70s television series Kung Fu star David Carradine was found dead in his hotel room in the Thai capital of Bangkok, the Associated Press reports. U.S. consular authorities confirmed that the 72-year-old actor was found dead; cause of death was not released.  Citing anonymous sources in the Thai police department, the Thai newspaper The Nation posted a story to its website that claims Carradine was found hanging in his luxury suite's closet by a maid, who came to clean his room at 10 a.m. on Thursday.

Here is NEWSWEEK's 2004 chat with the star.

Stop me if you've heard this one: a guy walks up to a poster for The Hangover, takes one look and says, "Who the hell is that guy?"

The answer is Zach Galifianakis, an absurdist, piano-playing stand-up comedian (and one of the "Comedians of Comedy") who looks kinda like the Brawny paper-towel guy. With five pending 2009 releases, Galifianakis is about to have a breakout year in film, and he starts by playing third fiddle in The Hangover to two better-known stars, Ed Helms of The Office and Bradley Cooper, of Wedding Crashers fame. But for a comparative newbie, he steals the show as a zany, socially inept groomsman who's utterly unaware of his third-wheel status. So successful is his shtik—and, by the same token, the movie's laugh factor—that Warner Brothers has already greenlighted a sequel. Ahead of The Hangover's June 5 release, NEWSWEEK talked to Galifianakis about roasted beets, his affinity for jockstraps and why men don't wear white jeans anymore. Excerpts:

Ball: I'm afraid to interview you after watching Between Two Ferns, afraid you're going to start snoring or sneezing on me.
Galifianakis: Oh, no. I'm very reserved in real life.
 
What's your own backstory for your character Alan's craziness?
It started with the wardrobe. The day I went in and did wardrobe, I asked for white jeans. You don't see a lot of guys wearing white jeans these days. It's not very cool, I guess. I just had imagined that, years ago, he went to a lot of raves, that he wasn't born weird, but that all the drugs he'd taken over the years had really affected him, and had made him kind of weird and antisocial, even though he's a very social being. But people are against him being social. He lives with his family, doesn't have a driver's license, he's not allowed to get near a school.

[CLICK MORE>> TO VIEW FULL CHAT]

• Swayze's Television Show Gets Cancelled. A&E's The Beast, in which Patrick Swayze starred as a rogue Chicago FBI agent, has been cancelled according to Variety. The final installment of the first season aired April 23; it's speculated that the show was canned due to its star's health problems, but A&E will not confirm. [Variety]

• Forbes List Gives Power Crown to Jolie -- Not Winfrey. Angelina Jolie has bumped Oprah Winfrey off the top of the annual Forbes celebrity power list, which is based on media coverage and earnings, among other things.  Joining the pair in the top five: Madonna (3), Beyonce (4) and Tiger Woods (5).  Among those who fell off the list are J.K. Rowling, Justin Timberlake, Jennifer Lopez, Johnny Depp and Tyra Banks. And for the first time, a president has been included on the list -- Obama ranks at No. 49.  [BBC News]

• Discovery Charts the Ferrell Effect.  When Will Ferrell guest-starred on an episode of Discovery's Man vs. Wild, he got the benefit of promoting his new movie Land of the Lost.  And it looks like Discovery got a lot in return -- the show scored 4 million viewers, the most in the show's history. The channel is now exploring what it might mean to regularly feature celebrity guests on the series.  [The Hollywood Reporter]
  

I've been fiddling with YouTubeXL today, and so far, it doesn't seem like there's enough TV-related content to abandon Hulu.

However, it is a well-timed upgrade for clip-sharing site, given the deluge of highlights that are coming out of these highest rated NBA playoffs. The XL Spotlight currently features the ESPN Top 10 plays from both Dwight Howard and Kobe Bryant, as well as the Top 10 plays from last year's finals, and it's a lot more fun viewing these in higher definition, jumbo-screen versions than grainy mini-clips.  Same goes for those hilarious 1950s etiquitte films (see above).  They're a lot funnier in supersized form.

Photo, Bettman-Corbis.

If there's one thing I love about going on a Maine vacation with my family, it's heading to the movies.  The local theater's admission cards are ripped from a wheel of repurposed raffle tickets; the previews are slideshows of local homes and wildlife, and the movies are invariably a week (or three) behind urban America's release dates.

But what's endearing in the slowest summer dog days is pretty infuriating during the rest of the year.  When Pixar's 3-D extravaganza Up hit U.S. theaters last weekend, the Associated Press reported that "[i]n Maine, you can count on one hand the number of theaters that showed [the film] in 3-D."  And it's not unique to northern New England, though the deficiency is particularly glaring there (RealD and Dolby Digital told the AP they've equipped only 6 theaters for 3-D capability in New Hampshire, Vermont and Maine combined). Many privately owned movie theaters in remote areas across the country are struggling to keep apace with Hollywood's hot new 3-D trend, as it costs about $100,000 to upgrade to the technical standard.  And if cinema owners can't accomodate the upgrade, theatergoers (like those interviewed in the AP's story) will travel to places that do.

Fox News and MTV are reporting that a California charity worker who organizes weekly bingo for the elderly is suing Borat and Brüno star Sacha Baron Cohen, alleging that he beat her up, "crippled" her and caused the demise of her marriage in a bingo melee.

Richelle Olson was organizing a bingo game for the elderly, one she says Cohen (in character as gay Austrian TV personality Brüno) offered to guest-call as a European celebrity.  When he showed up in his notoriously revealing costume and used offensive language, a violent struggle ensued over the bingo microphone.  Olson alleges that "defendants attacked [her] for a period of one to five minutes to intentionally create a dramatic emotional response ... while [they] recorded her humiliation and embarrassment."

She describes a subsequent emotional breakdown in the court documents; during her panic, she hit her head on a concrete slab and has since been confined to a wheelchair and walker due to "brain bleeding." 

And this is just the beginning, folks. Brüno hits theaters July 11.

• "Hamlet" to Become Modern Suspense Thriller. A contemporary, American-set version of Hamlet is in negotiations, and set to fill the title role with actor Emile Hirsch, who helped conceive the idea.  The project already has good cred: it'll be produced by Milk's producers; written by Philadelphia's scripter; and directed by Twilight and thirteen director Catherine Hardwicke. [The Hollywood Reporter]

• Is "People" in Cahoots With TLC? We know that the Gosselins are captivating in their own way, but two confessional covers in a month?  While Kate gave a tell-all to People for a mid- to late May issue, husband Jon is on the cover this week for an exclusive sitdown (under the headline, "Enough is Enough!")  With the smash-hit ratings for the show on its season premiere, we're starting to feel how we did when Bruno landed in Eminem's lap: it's a stunt! [People]

• "Alien" Lives On -- Reboot Confirmed. Ridley Scott will produce a prequel of his Alien franchise and will tap up-and-coming, futuristic director Carl Rinsch to helm the project.  We stopped watching after A3, stopped loving these movies after Aliens, and have thus far avoided the Predator crossover prequels, so maybe we don't get it. But we're still wondering -- do we need more? [Cinematical]
  

To see a preview of the game's actual functionality, and what it will look like to actually inhabit Paul McCartney, check out these other clips:

by Joshua Alston

With all the chatter and speculation and general hullabaloo surrounding Conan O’Brien’s debut on NBC’s The Tonight Show, it was pretty easy to lose sight of an important detail: this ain’t Conan’s first rodeo. As you may remember, he spent 13-plus years hosting Late Night, the show that Jimmy Fallon now spends each night stabbing to death. So Conan’s debut wasn’t as much about whether or not he could do a late-night variety show, it’s whether or not he can do the same show that he’d been doing before, just in a cushier time slot. It’ll be months, perhaps, before we’re out of the curiosity phase, and ratings can quantify whether Conan can hold his own against David Letterman. But for now, the only way to judge Conan is against himself, and by those standards, he’s off to a terrific start.

Most of the trepidation from Conan’s fans was based on the fact that with the earlier timeslot, it was clear that such Late Night staples as the Masturbating Bear probably would get cut. And for now, it seems they did. The more absurd bits that Conan built his name on were absent from the Tonight debut. But the core of the Conan comic essence isn’t those more outré gags, it’s his relentless self-deprecation. Conan tears himself to shreds in such a deft manner, that it’s easy to forget that self-deprecation is actually a super-annoying personality trait. That Conan can pull it off with the severity that he does is the mark of how charming he actually is.

The show’s opening bit showed him preparing for his new show, and only forgetting one vital part – moving to LA. After failing to catch a cab, he runs from NYC all the way to his new studio, past landmarks in between. When he runs past a Victorian doll museum, he doubles back to take a look inside. “Is that cornsilk?” he asks the curator, while petting a doll’s hair. It was the doll museum bit that signals to Conan aficionados such as myself that the Conan of old wasn’t going anywhere. Following this intro, there was a title sequence with the same opening theme as he had on Late Night (played by a band led by the ol’ pro, Max Weinberg.) The show’s announcer is Conan’s old sidekick, Andy Richter, who impressively transformed his weaselly speaking voice into a convincing and feral announcer growl. The monologue felt familiar, and when the show’s only sit-down guest Will Ferrell joined, rather than do a traditional interview, Conan let Ferrell do bits. True to form, they were all about how Conan would likely fail in his new timeslot.

But unlike most jokes, the ones about how Conan would tank as Tonight Show host weren’t rooted in truth. And while it seemed at first that Jay Leno’s move to primetime was terrible for Conan, it’s starting to look just the opposite. Conan doesn’t have to forfeit his comedic style or his younger-skewing audience. When Jay’s new show joins the line-up, the Sea-Bond set will be able to watch their guy that much earlier, and then after the local news, they can go to bed. (No one’s going to crash before finding out which common household spice could be killing them, after all.) Meanwhile, those of us that like our comedy a little edgier can enjoy Conan a bit earlier too. There’s no telling how he’ll perform against Dave, but Conan’s ratings will definitely go up by one now that I can watch him in the early slot. I can still stay up and laugh like a baked college kid, then get up and go to work like a sensible adult. Everybody wins.

New scoops about the new sequel to Wall Street, for a which a script'll be handed in this week, all per Nikki Finke. Just as the original leaned heavily on actual bankers to lend technical advice about finance culture and insider trading, so too will the second one, to be released in Febrary 2010.  A rundown of the key players, and what we can look forward to:

• Michael Douglas -- of course, reprising his role as Gordon Gekko.  This time he's fresh out of prison and disgraced, and telling everyone that the end is near.  Naturally, no one listens -- the time frame is June 2008 up to the federal bailouts.
  
• Javier Bardem -- an evil, shorting hedge fund manager who play mentor to rising young star (LaBeouf)
  
• Shia LaBeouf -- hot new Wall Street trader, engaged to Gekko's estranged daughter.  Gekko, who wants to reunite with her in his post-slammer sentimental phase, makes a "Faustian" deal with Shia.

NEWSWEEK's Kurt Soller also did this Q+A with the original Wall Street scripter Stanley Weiser on the meaning of greed.  Check it out, or check out the full Deadline Hollywood post here.

• Miley Climbs Aboard for More "Montana." While stars like Zac Efron have been busy distancing themselves from their kiddie-show beginnings, Miley Cyrus wants more.  The 16-year-old singer-actress just closed a deal with Disney to film a fourth season of her Disney channel show, Hannah Montana. Maybe 'cause a 2007 episode of the show is still the highest rated basic cable series telecast in television history (10.7 million viewers)? [Reuters]

• J.D. Salinger Sues Would-Be Sequel Writer. He emerges!  Famously reclusive author J.D. Salinger is now suing a Sweden-based author, two publishers and a distributor over a forthcoming sequel to The Catcher in the Rye.  The new book -- called 60 Years Later: Coming Through the Rye -- is called a "rip-off, pure and simple" by 90-year-old Salinger's lawyers in the court papers. Salinger has also refused film rights to Rye over the years. [BBC News]

• CBS  Boots the Emmys.  We know who's boss around here.  CBS has announced that this season's NFL schedule will drop-kick the Emmys up one week, to Sept. 13, due to a pro-football double-header on the intended Emmy night, Sept. 20.  The 61st prime time Emmys will be hosted by Jon Stewart. [Associated Press]
  

by Elisa Mala

Prince Harry ventured stateside for his first official solo visit to the U.S. this past weekend, and for a good cause -- he played polo Saturday to benefit the American Friends of Sentebale, a charity he helped found to assist AIDS orphans and impoverished children in southern Africa.
 
"What we need is the opportunity to trade," said Prince Seeiso Bereng Seeiso of Lesotho, who also heads the charity. Acknowledging that handouts remedy problems in the short run, he said that in the long run, "it's not the best thing for Lesotho."

[CLICK MORE>> TO VIEW FULL POST]

• Eminem is Uncomfortable with Bruno Bottom.  Right as I was thinking that I was too old for last night's MTV Movie Awards, Sacha Baron Cohen flew in and saved the day -- by apparently deeply offending Eminem. Cohen was in character as Bruno, a gay Austrian television personality, and was suspended over the audience in a half-naked Cupid ensemble. Due to the deliberately erratic control of his puppeteers, he landed crotch-in-face of rapper Eminem, who stormed out in an angry, curse-filled tirade that preceded a quick cut to commercial.  Real or staged? [Rolling Stone]

• "Up" Beats "Wall-E."  They're seeing eye-to-eye from a critical standpoint -- both received raves from the press -- but there was much buzz that Up's characters wouldn't sell the film as well as those in previous Pixar films.  But they have (Mr. Frederickson to the rescue) -- Up had the third-biggest opening weekend in Pixar history, behind The Incredibles and Finding Nemo.  The $68.2 million take was boosted from 3D premiums, which average $2 per ticket. [Variety]

• Boyle = a Real Celebrity Now.  Susan Boyle is already in need of a celebrity-geared rehab center?  The star was reportedly admitted to a private clinic for rest and treatment of exhaustion after her surprise second-place finish on Britain's Got Talent.  Piers Morgan, talent judge for the show, said the hospitalization was "entirely voluntary." [People]