Even if you're a total cynic, there's something puzzling
about Eminem's latest dis track -- in which he reiterates his claim that he
once had some bad sex with Mariah Carey, before she met her current husband,
Nick Cannon. It's a claim Carey denied while also poking fun at Em in her
recent video for "Obsessed," the first single from a forthcoming
album Memoirs of an Imperfect Angel. For reasons having apparently little to do
with that awful title, and instead focusing on his thus-far violated right to
be recognized as a quickly disposed member of Mimi's male harem, Eminem thinks
it's cool to talk about murdering Carey. (Yeah, it's a metaphor, in that Em
supposedly has a large enough reserve of incriminatingly intimate phone calls
and pictures of Carey that he feels confident spitting the line "enough
dirt on you to murder you." So is that really a threat, or just an over
the top way of saying he'd like to hurt her credibility? Given Shady's past
history of declaiming a desire to get his assault and battery on with respect
to his own mother, I'm going with the former.) The video's here if want to see
it, and is obviously NSFW, with lots of offensive language about women, as well
as a depressingly anti-sensualist attitude about sex that might make you want
to become a monk for a few days:
For reference point's sake, here's the Mimi clip that
supposedly inspired Eminem:
Now--the cold, cynical economic rationalization for this
generally tired and immature back and forth centers around the fact that both
platinum-selling work-horses have albums out this year, during an era in which
record labels are desperate for numbers. Eminem took the top of the charts when
Relapse debuted back in May. But its first week sales of 600,000 utterly paled
in comparison to the million plus in opening business he notched with previous
records. Is there a "threaten to murder someone" button over at Universal
Music Group--the owner of Interscope, which in turn distributes Dr. Dre's
Aftermath label--that gets pushed whenever Slim Shady fails to move a million
units in the first week? There's an odor of stale beef here that could lead one
to think this is being done with a wink and nod between the two performers.
(After all, Eminem proved he wasn't above a little stagecraft back at the MTV
Movie Awards, as his encounter with Bruno's ass was planned well ahead of
time.)
But even if the Mariah-Eminem feud isn't staged, what's
strange is how witless the end product is. Diss tracks are supposed to bring
some funny. Yes, they also need to devastate an opponent, but most rappers
understand this is better achieved with an undermining wit as opposed to a
violent spasm in the gutter. Take, for example, Inspectah Deck's recent swipe
at Joe Budden--who had apparently committed the sin of comparing himself
favorably to a member of the Wu-Tang Clan. Again, NSFW:
Around the one minute mark, in the midst of a
hard-bangin' verse, Deck dares the listener to "name me three Joe Budden
songs," after which we hear the Jeopardy! theme. In the background, a
hip-hop head attempts to do Deck's bidding, but can only come up with "Pump
It Up" as a Budden track. "Aw, this is for a hundred thousand
dollars? I'm blowin' it!" the faux contestant cries in desperation as he
realizes he doesn't know or like Budden's music enough about to be able to
answer the question. "Still waitin'," Deck thunders as the track
comes back strong. The point--that Budden isn't successful enough to back up
his boasting--is effective because it makes you laugh, even if you've never
heard Budden's music.
I'll say this for Eminem's diss track, though. Dr. Dre's
beat is more interesting than the track Cary
used for "Obsessed."
