Who says a woman can't be president? There are plenty of qualified female candidates out there with foreign experience and strong political platforms. Sorry, Hillary, you've got some competition—and it's not just from Sarah Palin. On last night's Late Show With David Letterman, a slimmed-down Britney Spears showed off her new bikini bod while enumerating the "top 10 ways the country would be different if Britney Spears were president." Have déjà vu? That's because Britney's not the first blonde to lounge around in a bikini and tell America why she'd be, like, totally the best commander in chief ever. Flash back to October 2008, when John McCain put Paris Hilton in an Obama attack ad—and Hilton retaliated with a bikini-clad campaign video of her own, because, as she put it, "that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which I guess means I'm running for president."

So, now that we've heard all about Britney and Paris's respective platforms, who'd win out in a Spears vs. Hilton race? Here's a run-through of strengths and weaknesses in the Battle of the (Presidential Hopeful) Bikinis.

The Platform
Britney: Britney's top-10 list on Letterman presented a foreign-policy platform with a strong focus on the war against terror. Back on the agenda in the Spears administration: Osama bin Ladin. "I'd lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistible scent of my new fragrance, ‘Circus Fantasy,'" Britney promised. Once Al Qaeda has been taken care of, President Spears would turn her attention to a more aggressive regional foreign policy: "We would only invade fun places, like Cabo."
Paris: Paris's platform, meanwhile, focused on energy policy. "Barack wants to focus on new technologies to cut foreign-oil dependency, and McCain wants offshore drilling," she reminded us. The Hilton administration's solution? A hybrid model of "limited offshore drilling, with strict environmental oversight, while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars."
The winner: As much as we'd love to invade Cabo, we have to hand it to Paris. Her energy platform was so articulate that even real pols loved it: soon after her video release, McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds told TMZ that he believed Paris had "a more substantive energy plan that Barack Obama." 

The Running Mate
Britney: Britney was already decided on her running mate last night: "Three words: Vice President Diddy."
Paris: Paris was still unsure at the time of her campaign announcement ad, though she did have one potential veep in mind: "I'm thinking Rihanna."
The winner: Rihanna's cute and all, but Diddy's résumé really puts him over the top. Three Grammies, two VMAs, and a Council of Fashion Designers of America award, not to mention the fact that his business interests include a record label, two clothing lines, a film-production company, and two restaurants. Excellent choice, Brit.

The First Man
Britney: We're pretty positive that the White House won't have a first lady under the first female president, but in a Spears White House, there'd be no first man, either. Britney's flying solo, as far as we know, though she is frequently seen with those two lil' kiddies in tow.
Paris: Paris's current beau is Doug Reinhardt, an ex of Lauren Conrad from The Hills. The on-again, off-again pair are always a big hit with the paparazzi, especially because they loooove their PDA. Raise your hand if you've seen them make out! (Whole country raises hands.) We don't really know what she sees in him, though. He seems a little sketchy to us.
The winner: Weird boyfriend, or no boyfriend but two cute kids? Britney wins this time. We'd rather watch the kids run around the White House like Barney the dog at Christmas than see the president juggle breakups and get-togethers and public snogging sessions when there's a broken economy and a big health-care mess to deal with.

Foreign-Relations Experience
Britney: Britney is well-traveled, even by political-hotshot standards. She's currently making the rounds on a global tour for her sixth studio album, Circus. So far in 2009, it's the highest-grossing tour in the U.S., and it's taking her to Europe, Australia, and Asia. She certainly has the frequent-flier miles racked up, so she might even save the White House some money by skimping on airfare.
Paris: Considering that Paris is a gazillionaire, she doesn't even need an excuse to travel, like Britney does. Paris is constantly lying around on foreign beaches with that boy of hers, so she certainly wouldn't hurt American foreign relations with tropical countries. But Paris's foreign experience isn't just limited to fun and games: she also has international business experience, selling perfume and hair extensions and clothing around the world. She's also huge in Japan. Heaven knows why, but in Japan, even Hello Kitty dolls come dressed up as Paris. Could the land of the rising sun prove itself to be a valuable inroad in American-Asian relations for a Hilton administration?
The winner: Sure, everyone around the world recognizes Britney Spears, but Paris has all of Japan in love with her already. We're betting that President Hilton could win a lot of other countries' hearts, too.

Now, we realize it might be shallow to include a category evaluating the candidates based on their looks, but that's really how America chooses its presidents anyway, right? Consider: Obama beat McCain. Clinton beat the old Bush. Kennedy beat Nixon. Ross Perot never won anything. So, the tiebreaker:
The Bikini Factor
Britney: Britney's slimmed down, but the way she was flopping from hip to hip on the Letterman show last night made her seem desperate to look hot. She's trying too hard.
Paris: Paris is always svelte, and her campaign ad featured that little bonus touch when she paired her bikini with some pointy-toed stilettos.
The winner: Sorry, Brit. We'd rather look at President Hilton. Loves it!