by Daniel D'Addario
Poor Tom DeLay. The former House majority leader is hardly the ideal contestant for Dancing With the Stars. One week, he almost dropped his dance partner. Another week, it looked like he had two left feet. And Monday night, neither of his feet worked: he was suffering from two stress fractures. (Afternoon update! Sources are confirming to People that DeLay will leave the show, as his stress fractures have become too painful to allow him to continue. It was a good sartorial run, at the very least.)
For much of the show Monday night, host Tom Bergeron made it seem as though DeLay wasn't going to dance at all. Then DeLay hobbled on stage, dressed in a sparkling red Republican outfit, and he pulled off a mediocre samba—for an injured guy. Whew. Don't quit, Tom! With Tuesday's news that DeLay will quit Dancing, we hope these other politicos will be inspired to take whirl on ABC’s dance floor:
Barbara Bush: While we’re not sure how her pearls will match with sequins, the former first lady could fill the Cloris Leachman spot. And her notorious outspokenness would be a breath of fresh air in the backstage segments.
Dan Quayle: The former vice president declined his invitation for the fall 2008 season, but we hold out hope he’ll reconsider. While Quayle could very well be an agile dancer, we just want to see how many “potato” jokes host Tom Bergeron can make.
David Paterson: The current governor of New York is having some trouble in office, so this might be a good backup career. And his legal blindness is, from the producers’ standpoint, all the better. If there’s one thing Dancing producers love, it’s a challenge—remember Marlee Matlin and Heather Mills?
Kenneth Starr: Certainly one of the biggest political celebrities of the late 1990s, the former independent counsel could show the public a kinder, gentler Starr. If DeLay can do it, then Starr can—and should!—follow. Dancing With the Starrs, anyone?
Rahm Emanuel: The White House chief of staff won a scholarship to attend the Joffrey Ballet School, and danced for a year in college. While we’re sure these skills would give him an edge on Dancing, we’d be more interested in seeing the volatile politician blow up if Len gave him less than a 10 on his pasodoble.
Condoleezza Rice: Stanford professor, secretary of state, concert pianist: Rice can do it all, a little too well. Two options: she’d become a dazzling dancer overnight or break more bones than DeLay—and either way, it would make for great TV.
John Kerry: It doesn’t seem like he’s had much to do since losing in 2004, and maybe Dancing would lend him the common touch that eluded him while running for president. This is your chance to mount a comeback for, uh, 2016, John!
Caroline Kennedy: She’s a lot like Kerry—if she missed out on being appointed senator, she needs to use her time somehow. The hullabaloo over whether or not she was qualified for the Senate proves she’s a far more intriguing figure than a lot of the dancers on this show. Why not prove her competence on the dance floor?
Janet Reno: This one seems almost too easy—we’re just curious to see whether Reno’s dance moves hold up to our memory of her guest appearance on SNL's "Janet Reno's Dance Party."
Vladimir Putin: We don’t foresee Putin having free time over the next decade or two, but if things get dull in Moscow, we’d love to see him put on those disco shoes. That frosty, power-hungry exterior masks a dancer—we just know it.
Levi Johnston: So he's not really a politico—just tenuously, formerly connected to one. But unlike the others, he might actually do it.
