That's Lynn Sweet, third from the right. The rest of the press is in its holding pen.
Everyone knows that Hillary Clinton is
wary of the media. Here's what that means, in real time, on the trail:
Step One:
Receive an email from "Clinton Campaign, Press Office" saying that on
Saturday, November 17 at 9:30 a.m. PST, Sen. Clinton will tour the
Sheet Metal Workers International Association (SMWIA) Apprenticeship Facility at 2540
Marco Street, Las Vegas, Nevada--and that said tour is "OPEN PRESS."
Step Two:
Go to 2540 Marco Street, Las Vegas, Nevada, where you are immediately
told that, while Sen. Clinton is still planning to tour the facility,
you, as a member of the press, are not actually allowed to tour it with
her. Sigh.
Step Three: Follow
a Clinton staffer and a dozen or so reporters and cameramen to a
workroom in the far corner of the Apprenticeship Facility, then, at the
staffer's command, assemble on the left side of a large table--and the
left side only. Instead of a tour, you get a holding pen. "After she
enters, Sen. Clinton will stop here"--indicates the opposite side of
the table--"to speak with the facility director," the staffer will say.
"You are to stay there. Then she will come over here"--walks to another
table--"where she will look at these products. You will stay behind
that piece of tape. Then she will exit through that door"--points to
one side of the room--"and I will lead you out over there"--points to
the opposite side of the room. Crack up when a colleague imitates the
cheery Clinton staffer: "And this is the room where you can go f**k
yourself!"
Step Four:
Wait for 20 minutes in the empty workroom. Admire the sheet-metal shark
hanging from the ceiling. "Don't worry," the Clinton staffer will say
to a dark-suited Secret Service agent, "We're not leaving them
unattended." Turn toward the entrance when someone shouts, "It's
Hillary!" Turn away from the entrance when you realize it's Hilarie
Grey, Clinton's Nevada communications director. Admire the sheet-metal
helicopter hanging from the ceiling. Laugh when a reporter says, "Maybe
she's going to bring some knives--and then, you know, we'll watch her
sharpen them." Stop laughing.
Step Five:
Witness Sen. Clinton's entrance. Dressed in a brown pantsuit, adorned
in turquoise jewelry, she will stride into the room, clasp her hands
below her belly and nod attentively as the facility director boasts
about his facility. "In my campaign, I don't want to forget that 60
percent of Americans don't go to college," she will say, half to you,
the press, and half to an entourage of local union officials. "They do
the hard work of building this country up." Watch the cameramen jostle
for position as the candidate poses for photos. "Thank you all," she
will say. Witness Sen. Clinton's exit.
Step Six:
Swarm the Clinton staffer. "Can you bring her out?" Lynn Sweet, who
usually covers Barack Obama for the Chicago Sun-Times, will ask. See the
Clinton staffer chuckle. Chuckle nervously yourself. "I'm serious,"
Sweet will say. "Can we have a press availability?" The Clinton staffer
will agree to check on that. When she leaves, do not hold your breath.
"Anybody with a pad and pen is dangerous," one veteran reporter will
say. "Camera, good. Pen, bad." "The last time HRC acknowledged our
existence was, like, last Sunday in Waterloo, Iowa at 4:00 p.m.,"
another will add. Act shocked when the Clinton staffer returns with
your answer: "Nope, sorry, not today."
Step Seven: Write an item like this. What the heck else are you going to write about?
