It is a truth universally acknowledged: if a small swath of the American electorate starts to accuse you of being a whiny, elitist, unpatriotic "Angry Black Woman" who's never been "proud of [her] country," get thee to a nunnery. Or if there are no nunneries nearby, appear on ABC's "The View" instead.

And so it was this morning, as Michelle Obama, wife of Barack, completed Phase One of what the wags at the New York Times are calling her "new introduction" to America: a coffee-fueled A.M. gabfest with Babs, Whoopie, Liz and the rest of gals. Worried that a rising chorus of conservative critics, a creeping cache of patently false rumors and Michelle's own missteps on the stump have served to define her, detrimentally, before she could define herself, "her husband’s presidential campaign is [now] giving her image a subtle makeover, with a new speech in the works to emphasize her humble roots and a tough new chief of staff." The point of today's "guest turn on “The View,"' according to the Times? "Softening [Michelle's] reputation." And here we thought that chatting about pantyhose would appeal to West Virgina coal miners.

So how soft was she? Like a pashmina-wrapped puppy atop a pile of pillows. She spoke about fashion! She spoke about cereal! She even spoke about her children! The tabloids said to expect "fireworks" between Michelle and Elisabeth Hasselback. But instead of showering the conservative host with abuse, Obama showered her with--gasp!--praise. "This girl is solid," she said of Hasselback. "She's got great kids. She's a great mom. She's funny. Sure, I disagree with her on some points, but I could come back tomorrow and we'd be friends." Paging Kodak--we just had a moment.

By showing she could be soft, Michelle managed to show she could be a lot of other things as well. Here's what else we learned:

• Michelle is misunderstood. Asked again about her "proud" remark, Michelle said, "Of course I'm proud of my country. Nowhere but in America could my story be possible." What she was trying to express back in February, she added, was how proud she was of the "political process" and the interest the race between Obama and Clinton had sparked.

• Michelle is polite. Describing herself as "really touched" by Laura Bush's decision to defend her last month on ABC--"I think she probably meant ‘I’m more proud,’" Bush said at the time. "You have to be really careful in what you say because everything you say is looked at and in many cases misconstrued"--Michelle sat down and wrote a thank-you note. The greeting? "Dear Madame First Lady." Michelle also admitted that she's "taking some cues" from Bush, praising her "calm, rational approach." “There’s a reason why people like her," she said. "She doesn’t… fuel the fire.”

• Michelle is square. When she arrived on stage, Michelle made sure that she was "greeted properly"--with a famous Obama "fist bump." But lest Middle America think that she's some sort of, you know, terrorist football player, Michelle quickly dismissed the gesture. "I'm not that hip," she said. "I got that from our young staff." But of course. Otherwise she would've called it a "dap."

• Michelle isn't political. When Barack first said he wanted to run for president, Michelle said, "No. Don't do this." Now she insists she'll "have nothing to do with" her husband's vice presidential pick. "People think I'm always out campaigning," she added. "But I'm at home more than I'm on the road." No word yet on whether she uses her own cookie recipe, too.
  

• Michelle isn't an elitist. She's frustrated by the time it takes to do her hair and makeup in the morning. She doesn't wear pantyhose. ("It feels better.") She loves bacon. And her demure, black-and-white dress? Straight off the rack! "Put a little pin on it and you've got something going on," she said.

• Michelle is a woman, too. Showing solidarity, Michelle praised Hillary Clinton and admitted that "obviously there was sexism" in the primary coverage. "People aren’t used to strong women," she said. "[Hilllary] has taken [public hits] so that my girls, when they come along, won’t have to feel it as badly."
  

A polite, square, misunderstood, apolitical non-elitist? Michelle is just like us! ("Us" being women aged 34 to 65 who are home at 11:00 a.m. on a Tuesday.)  Of course, no one brought up racial segregation at Princeton, Michelle's time at Harvard Law or her executive work at the University of Chicago Hospitals, and there were few flashes of her sarcastic wit or strong opinions--in other words, all the stuff that makes Mrs. Obama an interesting individual. But that was obviously the point. Appearing on shows like The View is about seeming ordinary, not extraordinary. And after running into resistance because her career, her color and her character break the first lady mold--sound familiar, Hillary?--it's only natural that Michelle would seek to show her "more traditional" side.

That said, I suspect a single line from this morning's Times story better conveyed her personality than anything said today on "The View." Asked about the "unfounded claims that [she] gave an accusatory speech in her church about the sins of 'whitey,'” Michelle shook her head. “You are amazed sometimes at how deep the lies can be,” she said. “I mean, ‘whitey’? That’s something that George Jefferson would say.”

Soft? Not really. But much cooler.