It's not easy to run for President of the United States of America as a black guy named Barack Obama. Just ask Barack Obama. For one thing, a lot of Americans are afraid of the unknown. They don't know any other black guys named Barack Obama. And then on top of that you've got all these email messages zipping around telling people that the only Barack Obama they do know is a secret Muslim who refuses to pledge allegiance and was sworn in on a Koran. (Note: this is false.) How, then, to reassure Middle America that Obama comes in peace? One way, as Slate's Chris Beam suggested yesterday, would be for his campaign to start some rumors of its own. As in, "Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach." Or "Barack Obama's skin is the color of AMERICAN SOIL." Or "Barack Obama travels mostly by FORKLIFT." Just so, you know, the folks in Nebraska can be sure that this Obama character shares their values.

Turns out that Obama--or at least his admaker--was thinking pretty much the same thing. Unveiled today in 18 (count 'em, 18) states, the nominee's first spot of the general election may not mention Obama's bald eagle sidekick--name: Susan "Beak" Anthony--but it does manage to dish out plenty of apple pie along the way. For starters, it's called "Country I Love"--a reference, sources say, to America. (Conveniently, Obama also says this in his second line.) Over the course of 60 seconds, we learn a lot of nice things about Obama. He thinks the USA is strong--"a country of strong families and strong values." He wears a flag pin. He's "been blessed" "with a deep and abiding faith," much like a Christian, which he is. His values are "straight from the Kansas heartland," not the Indonesian island of Hyde Park, Hawaii. He is accompanied by gentle acoustic guitar music. Unlike other minorities and liberals, he believes in "accountability and self-reliance" and "working hard without making excuses." He doesn't eat old white women (there's video to prove this). He was "raised by a single mom" who forced him to "tak[e] jobs and loans to make it through college," and never once fed him arugula. Plus, he's "cut taxes and "passed laws moving people from welfare to work," which kind of makes him a Republican. "Love of country," Obama says. "The country I love."

According to the campaign, the ad will air Alaska, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Iowa, Indiana, Michigan, Missouri, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin and Virginia. That marks the official Obama battleground. Worth noting is that four of these states--North Dakota, Montana, Alaska, Indiana--are new to the Illinois senator's list, while three other states--New Jersey, Oregon, Washington--have mysteriously disappeared. What gives? Well, as everyone knows, New Jersey, Oregon and Washington are coastal, expensive and not particularly American; thus, Obama is already well ahead of John McCain in the polls. In contrast, North Dakota, Montana, Alaska and Indiana represent the rugged, God-fearing, Republican heartland--albeit the parts where polls show that a little reassurance (as in, $1.5 to $3 million per week) could go a long way.

And if that doesn't work, there's always the bald eagle.